Every Tune is Unique

Summer is upon us once again...

2010-05-12T03:47:00.002-04:00

I can't believe that another year has passed me by. It seemed like it was just yesterday that I was sitting at my little desk at Gore being clueless. So many things have happened since last summer. After my internship at Gore, I was sad to say goodbye to some amazing people but I was also excited to share my experiences of Vietnam with Sean. Coming back to the States, Sean and I moved back into our apartment, bought a car, and slowly settled back into our daily lives. I tried to blog about my experiences in Vietnam after coming back but as classes picked up, I couldn't find the time to sit down and finish what I had started. I guess I failed as a blogger. Hopefully I'll be better at it this summer.

This is my attempt to dust off the blog for the summer. I will try to update often with stories and pictures of my adventures in Europe.

Possibilities

2009-11-03T15:49:00.003-05:00

Have you ever taken the time to consider the possibilities of your future? These possibilities decrease as a function of time, whether the relationship is linear or exponential depends upon whether or not you've made good choices along the way.

When I was a child of 4, I wanted to be all the stereotypical things that 4-year-olds wanted to be, from astronaut to artist, to teacher, to musician. But I also wanted to be an astronomer, an archeologist, an anthropologist as well as a paleontologist. I wanted to know what formed rainbows and I didn't settle for the fairytale explanation. When I was 5, I could explain that the rainbows were actually light defraction through water vapor. I knew that trees "breathed" CO2 and released O2 in presence of light but at night, they "breathed" the same way that humans do. At the age of 5, my possibilities of future careers were endless. I could have been anything that I wanted to be.

As I grew older, I chose to focus my energy in math and science. I took an interest in things such as physics and chemistry as opposed to video games or fashion (as did most of my peers). Little did I know that those simple choices and interests served as the cement that will eventually secure my path towards a future career. So the possibilities of my future were further reduced. At this stage, I could no longer be a prodigy musician or artist, anything that I studied had to involve math and science.

When I headed off to college, my possibilities were once again further reduced as I declared my major. I am now a materials science and engineering major. My future career is becoming more and more specific. I now want to focus on polymer and biomaterials engineering. Then I want to use polymer and biomaterials engineering in biomedical applications. With every choice that I make, my possibilities become fewer. I can no long be an astronomer or an anthropologist. If anything, I can still be a very specialized paleontologist who analyzes the microstructure and mechanical properties of fossilized dinosaur bones. I guess I can still be a "teacher." However, I am not certified to teach unless I get my Ph.D. and become a professor.

I guess what I am trying to get at is make smart choices along the way. You don't want to regret the choices you've made because with every choice, you are reducing the possibilities of your future. People tend to say that even though you are closing one door, another door will open. That tends to be true, but the new door that opens isn't always the door that you want to walk through. I am very happy with the choices that I've made. However, if I were to be unhappy with my choices, then where do I go? The doors to becoming an anthropologist and archeologist have been closed. The doors to becoming a polymer engineer have opened. So what if I don't want to become a polymer engineer? I can't become an anthropologist or an archeologist anymore unless I start over to get another bachelors degree. And thus, my point is made. Be careful with the choices that you make along the way because it will cost you time and effort to redo everything. Life is too short to regret choices and redoing them. Make mistakes, but make small ones, ones that don't require 4-5 years to fix.

I think the best training any parent can give their children is the ability to weigh their choices effectively and realizing the impact that a simple choice can make on their lives. One choice may grant you short term happiness, but another may grant you long term satisfaction. It is a matter of how you weigh your decisions. Once they've successfully proven to me that they can make beneficial choices for themselves, I will allow them to make their own choices in life and trust that I have taught them well. Micromanaging will only get you so far. You can't always be there to make choices for them and when you micromanage, they will rebel. They are the only ones who will know what makes them happy.

Autumn is here

2009-10-21T12:14:00.003-04:00

Every year, right around October, I get this weird indescribable feeling. It's not a bad feeling. I actually like it. Something about the weather turning cold and the leaves changing colors just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. It makes me want to sit by a fireplace with a cup of hot tea and some pumpkin pie.

Even though I complain about the cold, the rain, and the snow, I definitely will miss this feeling when I leave New England.

4 Star Hotels and Bird Nests, Part II

2009-09-13T21:18:00.019-04:00

So the next day, we woke up early, at about 5:30 AM, and watched the sunrise from our 12th-floor hotel balcony.

View from our balcony (date and time stamp on pictures are wrong).

We headed downstairs for a fancy Vietnamese style breakfast buffet at around 6:30, and our tour bus came to pick us up at 7:30.

My breakfast consisted of KimChee porridge, French bread, noodle soup, and soy milk.

Sean had a similar breakfast with the addition of bacon.

After our fancy breakfast, the tour bus took us to the Institute of Oceanography of Nha Trang. There we got to see all kinds of sea life, dead and alive. They had some very interesting fish and some of the biggest sea turtles Sean and I have ever seen. After fooling around with the fish, we bought ourselves some touristy beach hats to protect our sensitive white skin from the blazing sun for 25 cents USD a piece and boarded a boat.

The boat took the tour to a 5-star resort called Diamond Bay on a private island. There we rented coconut huts and had the opportunity to try all kinds of water recreation. We rented a hut for $1.50 USD and shed our clothes. After some intense sunscreen rubbing, we were ready for business. By business I mean some kayaking! We rented it for an hour which cost us a meager $3.00 USD.

Fisherman Sean and his kayak.

We wore our hats because we thought it was going to be a blazing day but it turned out mild by the time we got to Diamond Bay. After an hour of kayaking and being fishermen, we decided we wanted something cooler. Sean upgraded to a jetski. It was by far the most expensive thing on the list since we got to Vietnam. A whopping 400,000 Uncle Ho's for 15 minutes. Approximately 20 Benjamins.

Mr. and Mrs. Fisherman

Sean drove that thing like a madman out there. It was a lot more fun than the fisherman kayak. Totally worth 20 big ones. When the 15 minutes was over, we decided to not drop any more of them Ho's, so we started to entertain ourselves by chasing little crabs in the sand. I caught a little guy that Sean named TiddlyWinks.

I let TiddlyWinks go after the blinding flash of the picture.
I hope it didn't actually blind him.

After all our playing, we had lunch at the resort. More fresh seafood and amazing dishes. We then said goodbye to Diamond Bay and boarded the bus to head back to our hotel. We had that afternoon free so Sean and I decided to seek out the famous local dish or bowl of Bun Sua (Jellyfish noodles). We were told by our tour guide that Bun Sua Ba Nam Beo (Mrs. Fifth Leopard's Jellyfish noodles) was a quality local joint so Sean and I hit it up for dinner. The name was interesting enough, but the food spoke for itself. The bowl was loaded with quality jellyfish and fish cake. Two bowls of Bun Sua and 2 iced teas came out to be 45,000 VND (or about $2.50 USD).

Enjoying some of Mrs. Fifth Leopard's quality jellyfish noodles.

After dinner, we headed to the local eateries near Tran Phu bridge. We had some Banh Khot at a street corner, saw some local action of old ladies in pajamas hanging out with their children and grandchildren seaside. While walking back to our hotel, we ran into a lady renting out tandem bikes but we passed her offer because it was getting late and we were tired. And so our second day in Nha Trang came to an end as we turned the AC on full blast in our room and got in bed.

4 Star Hotels and Bird Nests, Part I

2009-09-13T20:43:00.007-04:00

I blogged about food in Nha Trang but I haven't said too much about our 4 day trip to this beautiful beach city. We originally booked an all inclusive tour with a 2-star hotel. This means that it came with a room at a 2-star hotel, 3 meals a day, and all transportation and attraction tickets, all for the small price tag of $150 USD for two people. However, after some debating, Sean and I thought we could afford to spend some more and stay at a 4-star hotel right across from the beach. So we called the travel agency and upgraded the day before we left. So our package price came to a total of...bum.bum.bum....$300 USD! It was an amazing deal for an all-inclusive four-day trip for two people.

It was a 12 hour bus ride from Saigon to Nha Trang but along the way we stopped several times to see the different attractions along the way. Our tour guide was full of interesting facts and stories. He was very knowledgeable in terms of history. He also kept the whole tour occupied with games and riddles about Vietnamese culture and history. He even had prizes for those who could answer them correctly. The bus ride felt like nothing at all. It was extremely comfortable with lots of legroom and AC.

Our first stop, which was about 1.5 hour outside of Saigon is a beautiful waterfall resort.

Waterfall near Dong Nai (Deerfield)

Our next stop was Ca Na Beach. But before we got there, we passed beautiful scenery of majestic mountains, green grass plains that reminds me of an African safari, amazing red sand dunes, fisherman villages all in a span of about 250 km. Vietnam's geography is amazing.

Some rice paddies with mountains in the background.
The lone trees remind me of an African Safari.

The boats of a fisherman village.

At Ca Na beach, we had lunch at a seaside restaurant. Our meal consisted of 6 or 7 dishes with fresh seafood. We had fresh scallops still on the shells, a hotpot with freshly caught fish, stir fried squid, and some other stuff that I can't quite remember at the moment.

The view of the street from the restaurant we ate at.

Ca Na Beach with its soft white sand and clear blue water.

By the time we got to Nha Trang, it was already 6:30 PM. Our bus stopped at SanNest restaurant for dinner. SanNest is one of Vietnam's famous bird nest distributors. I will elaborate on bird nest in the coming posts. After dinner, the tour bus dropped us off at our respective hotels so we could check in and get some rest. Sean and I were the only couple from the whole bus to stay at a 4-star hotel. We felt classy =D

Street Food, Part II

2009-09-05T10:24:00.004-04:00

So we left Saigon for the beautiful beach city of Nha Trang for four days. More about that later. But leaving Saigon behind meant leaving the dusty sidewalks and also the Saigonese obsession with anything American behind. No California Pho joints here in Nha Trang. There were a whole bunch of touristy restaurants that provided table service and whatnot but nothing beats the cheap and simple street food. The second night we were in Nha Trang, we took a walk across the Tran Phu bridge and away from the touristy Nha Trang to the local joints. We ran into this cute little lady at a corner of a street making little rice cakes on the sidewalk called Banh Khot.

Notice the required uniform of sidewalk stalls-- the blocky pajamas.

I asked the lady for the price and she named a measly 10,000 VND per plate. That is the equivalent of 60 cents USD. Sean and I sat down at the small plastic table and chairs (yay!) and asked for two plates. The plates came with our little rice cakes and a bowl of Nuoc Mam for dipping. Each cake had a filling of one quail egg. They were cheap, simple, and delicious.

60 cents worth of street scoff in Vietnam.

Pho in Saigon California Style

2009-09-05T10:10:00.005-04:00

Sounds odd right? Who in their right mind would go to Saigon to have Pho California style? Well, the answer is wealthy Saigonese. They seem to prefer anything and everything that has to do with America or any English-speaking country (including Australia and England). So when Sean and I mentioned that we wanted to have Pho in Vietnam, my cousin took us to a joint called Pho 24. Apparently this is the McDonalds of Pho in Vietnam (and mind you, there are plenty of McDonalds in Vietnam too). They have their so-called restaurants from north to south of Vietnam. It has nice and spotless fancy wooden tables and chairs with their staff decked in white uniforms and they actually have waiter service. The latter is quite uncommon in Vietnam. There's no such thing as a waiter service unless you're at a 5-star restaurant. Well, this place claim to make your Pho experience the same as you would if you were in one of the many Pho joints in California. And it was true. To me it was somewhat disappointing. I traveled half way across the globe just to have the exact same experience that I could have had at home for much less than the $890 I paid for my plane ticket. The Pho cost twice as much as it would have it we had gone to a local Pho joint and it tasted half as good. WHY WHY WHY? My cousin just assumed that we wouldn't have enjoyed the simple plastic tables and chairs with the little lady in her ubiquitous pajamas slamming the bowls on our table. WRONG WRONG WRONG. Next time I'm traveling this far, I'm going to have my fill of cranky Vietnamese ladies slapping bowls of Pho on my table. None of this polite rubbish with the bill being brought to my table and refilling of my drinks.

39,000 VND for this baby when we can get it for 15,000 VND at most
at a local joint with twice the flavor.

Street Food, Part I

2009-09-05T09:41:00.004-04:00

So while we were wandering around Saigon with map in hands,we saw these people with baskets on the back of their bicycles selling something. We ventured close enough to see the lady mixing something in a plastic bowl. Sean and I circled the park a few times and decided we wanted to see what the whole deal was all about, so I asked the lady what she was selling. She told us "Banh Trang." Well, Sean and I are used to a different type of Banh Trang (rice paper) where we actually sit down at a table and make fresh little spring rolls with vegetables and meat with the rice papers. This Banh Trang being peddled around was shredded and mixed with some type of chili sauce, mango strips, Vietnamese coriander, and a couple of quail eggs. Looked decent enough, so Sean and I decided to give it a try. While mixing our scoff, the lady was on constant watch for the police. So apparently peddlers aren't supposed to be selling things in the middle of a city park. It's got something to do with the sanitary conditions and whatnot. It's a legit worry but this lady seemed even more legit as she mixed our bag of Banh Trang while wearing a pair of classy plastic gloves that she throws out after each customer's toss. Here's the result:

It may not look apetizing in the picture, but trust me, it's a flavorful scoff. Every bite tasted like a fiesta in your mouth. It's sweet, sour, salty, spicy, and tangy with the little shreds of mango. The texture of this bag of munch was excellent. It's got the crispy rice paper shreds, the crunchy mango pieces, the semi-chewy chili-sauce-soaked pieces of rice papers and the creamy quail eggs. Yum. The two healthy quail eggs cannot be seen in this picture but they taste just like little chicken eggs so nothing special there. But this stuff is a must try. I'd love to have it again. Props to you, paranoid-plastic-gloves-wearing-peddler-lady. This baby was 5,000 VND a pop, which is less than 40 cents in your common USD.

Back in the concrete Jungle

2009-09-01T11:32:00.005-04:00

I am back home in SoCal as I write this. The past two weeks have been a crazy experience, definitely one to remember for years to come. After the internet cafe entry, Sean and I have had a lot more adventures. I will try to write about them as I remember them so they may not be in chronological order.

After staying in Vung Tau for 1.5 days, we came back to Saigon to stay with one of my uncle's family. We took a day trip to Saigon. My cousins dropped us off in front of the Unification Palace (the White House of the democratic regime of southern Vietnam before the war ended). We took a tour of the place with an English-speaking tour guide. As nice as she was, she had such a heavy accent that I barely understood half of what she said. It was still interesting to get an inside look at history.

The president's guest sitting room here he greeted his important visitors.

The palace had its own bonsai garden on the second floor.

After our tour, we headed to the middle of "Backpackerville" known as the center for the congregations of western backpackers. There were groups of foreigners ranging from Russians to French to Americans and Australians. Sean and I walked around and hit all the main spots in Saigon as promoted by all the tourist pamphlets. Our first stop was Ben Thanh Market (aka Saigon Market). This place was packed with stalls selling souvenirs, clothes, shoes, food, and anything you could possibly think of. What makes it so interesting is as you walk by each stall, the seller would try to grab you and direct you towards their stall and say things like "t-shirts for you sir!" or "shorts for you m'am!" We had been warned not to buy things there because they usually raise the price tenfold if not more when dealing with clueless foreigners such as ourselves. So we just walked around looking at things and soaking in the crazy and chaotic atmosphere. From Ben Thanh Market, we headed to a small bookstore, bought some post cards without having to haggle (which was nice!).

Me in front of the statue of Uncle Ho with the city hall in the background.

Then we made our way to the Saigon Post Office, known for its French-inspired architecture. We came inside and was amazed at the grand ceiling. It was very beautiful. We then crossed the street and all of its pandemonium to the statue of Uncle Ho right in front of the city hall. We took some pictures and started to head towards the famous Saigon Notre Dame Cathedral, also known for its French-inspired architecture.

The Notre Dame Cathedral with Diamond Plaza in the background.
A mix of the old and the new.

After snapping generic tourist photos, we entered the fancy Diamond Plaza right across from the Cathedral. This place is frequented by the extremely wealthy crowd of Vietnam as well as tourists who are looking for quality goods without taxes. At Diamond Plaza, we found stores like Gucci, Louis Vuitton, Burburry, to Geox and Clarks. They also had cute little stores selling goods from Japan such as bento boxes and thermos. Everything was priced using Vietnamese Dongs and things look ridiculously expensive even though when you exchange it back into USD, they seem just about right for the brand and quality. A pair of Geox shoes are about 3,000,000 VND. Sounds ridiculous right? Well 3 million VND is about $150 in USD so the price is actually decent. But that price is still even a little fancy for Sean and I. A pair of normal shoes found on an average Vietnamese is about 150,000 VND which is approximately $8 USD. This is more of what Sean and I would like to spend =D As you can see, only the extremely wealthy crowd of Vietnam could afford to shop at a place such as Diamond Plaza (just listen to the name, it's already expensive). It was nice to see both sides of Vietnam. The common market and the fancy schmancy lifestyle.

Internet "Cafe" and overpriced rice

2009-08-20T08:04:00.004-04:00

I am currently sitting at one of the many internet cafes here in Vietnam. An hour worth of internet is 3,000 VND which is approximately 20 cents (not bad at all!). I've been sitting here for about 45 minutes now and the owner lady keeps staring at Sean and I because we speak English. This is a common occurence since we've been here. It's a huge disadvantage when it comes to dealing with the locals when you look/dress/speak differently. As fluent as I am in Vietnamese I still have a slight tinge of an English accent when I speak so they can tell that I am not local. They always over charge foreigners for common services and products. A blatant example of this was when we went out for dinner tonight with one of my uncles. We all had the same dish but they charged my uncle (a local) 20,000 VND, charged me 25,000 VND, and Sean a whopping 30,000 (10,000 more than what my uncle paid). It's blasphemy. My uncle tried to argue with the guy but he said that we should have asked for the price before we ate. So learning from this experience I asked my uncle what I should expect to pay for an hour of internet. He said that they should range from 3,000 to 7,000 VND but they may charge you as much as 20,000 if you're foreign and clueless. So when Sean and I went to the internet cafe, I made Sean wait behind a light pole and out of sight while I asked for the price in my best local Vietnamese accent. The lady said 3,000 VND per hour and then I waved to Sean to come in. She gave me a dirty look as we sat down as if I had lied to her. Well, too bad lady! We win at life.

This is one of the many adventures that we've had so far within the past 1.5 days of being here. Looking forward to more.

Hopefully we'll keep in touch

2009-08-15T01:18:00.004-04:00

This whole summer I felt very fortunate to have had a great roommate. Katie is adorable in her little ways. She's been amazing not just in terms of a considerate roommate but as a friend and a mentor. We had hour-long talks about life, love, and the future. She gave me tips on finding research positions and how to handle classes. I watched as she studied for her GREs, researched grad schools, emailed professors, and wrote in all 200 pages of her lab notebook. Through talking to her I came to realize some significant things in my life. It's been a significant summer for the both of us. I hope we keep in touch when we get back to MIT.

No matter what, I'll always remember our apartment filled with smoke when I came home from work that one day and the time when our potatoes grew maggots. Bleaching the sink wasn't the funnest part but we managed. Too bad I never saw the exploding egg. I'll miss our shenanigans. Thank you so much for being such a considerate, adorable and all around amazing roommate! =)

A little change

2009-08-15T00:12:00.003-04:00

I decided that this blog needed a little change of appearance. I've kept my "Melodies of Life" theme but made a new minimalist layout. It's quite plain but I like it. Keep singing your song because every tune is unique. I also updated my tunes. =)

Fleeting as a shooting star

2009-08-14T22:57:00.007-04:00

Since Sean started to update his blog again, I thought I should also brush some dust off this thing. It's been an interesting summer and definitely an experience of a life time.

We started the summer by taking a four day trip to Florida and visited the happiest place on earth. Then we packed our bags as Sean drove me down to Maryland for my internship. Tears were shed when he had to leave and go back home to NY for the summer. The first few weeks without him was hard but I managed to develop a rhythm that kept me going.

While working here, I met some memorable characters that affected my perspective on life. My boss was a 50-something guy from Bermuda who has 6 degrees, 3 of which are PhD's, and whose parents worked for the UN. He's lived in a boarding school in Scotland and studied at a university in Switzerland. His life experiences were quite interesting and I learned a great deal from him. He was the best boss I've ever had.

While work was demanding at times, one of the interns at my plant kept me grounded. We got to the point where we were almost attached at the hip. She hails from Hong Kong and is half Korean and half Chinese. She speaks English flawlessly and has slight ADD. Her perspective of work, school, marriage, and everything in between were so out of this world but made a lot of sense. Sam(antha) had a quirky outlook on life that made me realize that I needed some humor in my life and she kept the atmosphere at work light-hearted. When we said goodbye, we hugged each other quickly and walked away without looking back in fear of shedding tears.

When I'm not at work and Sam is not around, I'm usually sitting on my couch with a Guinness in hand and Tim as my company. I've only gotten close to Tim within the past 4 weeks. He is so easy going and sweet that it made me wonder why I never thought of talking to him before then. The guy is happily in love and is engaged to marry his Navy woman who's deployed for months at a time. He tells me of his trials and tribulations being in love with a girl in the Navy. We share late night beers and talk about sex candidly. We share relationship advice and laugh at ourselves for being the opposite of our significant others. Sitting on the balcony with a Cuban cigar in his hand, Tim likes to just relax and take life as it comes. When he left earlier tonight, I walked him all the way down the stairs because it was hard to see him go.

It's so strange how we can become attached to people that we've only just met. We share fleeting moments of our lives with each other and we go our separate ways. Yet they take a part of us with them and we take a part of them with us. It's an intimate exhange of sort. Chances are we will never meet again. It was strange to say to Sam and Tim both "Have a nice life! Thanks for sharing a tiny part of yours with me."

Thank you Sam and Tim, I'll always remember you.

Second all nighter in 3 weeks

2009-05-07T11:24:00.002-04:00

When I say all nighter, I mean an all nighter. Meaning I've been up for at least 24 hours without any naps. None of that weak sauce where you claim that you pulled an all nighter but you actually took that 2 hour nap at 3:00 AM. This is the real deal. But yeah, labs. Man, they've gotten the best of everyone it seems like. There were at least 10 of us who pulled all nighter together. I'm sure that there are plenty more sleepless souls who slave away on their labs in the comfort of their own rooms. I've spent over 25 hours in this room, working on labs. Fun stuff. I finally managed to pull together enough work on the labs to call it complete even though I'm sure a lot of the things I put down aren't really legit. I'm just glad to be done with it.

You know you've been working for too long when you find yourself unconsciously pressing ctrl+s every minute in order to save your work in case word crashes. I found myself doing this while typing emails, chats, blogs, and I even tried to find the ctrl+s on my phone. It's a little pathetic actually. I'm typing this entry to kill some time because I need to go to Pilates at noon. If it weren't for Pilates, I'd be on my way home by now. I need to finish up my PE credits by the end of this year so I'm trying to rough it through. AH HAH! I just pressed crtl+s just now trying to save this thing without thinking about it. I should really stop now.

It's been the longest time

2009-04-19T16:04:00.005-04:00

I haven't updated this in the longest time. It's because I've just been too lazy to blog. It's also mostly because I didn't feel the need to blog. Yet somehow today I felt compelled to write something. I don't know what I want to write but I just want to put something down.

Since my last blog, lots of things have changed. Not long after the last entry, I had a mental break down. For a period of several months, I would come home really stressed out and would just sit in a corner and cry. There was no reason for my crying other than just an overwhelming feeling of helplessness. There was nothing that Sean could do to help me feel better. I sometimes became hysterical and would rock back and forth for hours at a time, just crying and not knowing how to stop. I couldn't focus on school and couldn't get anything done so my grades started to fall. I finally had to get some help from a psychiatrist and the Dean of Student Support Services. They emailed my professors to let them know that I was struggling so that they would understand and give me a little time to get back on my feet. My psychiatrist prescribed some anxiety pills to prevent my breakdowns. That semester I ended up with one D, a C, and a couple B's.

I am much healthier now. I no longer break down when stressed. I feel better about handling the amount of work being given to me. But there's still something deep down inside me that's just not wanting to settle. I am healthier, but I don't know if I'm any happier. I always want to get away from Boston and MIT. It's not that IHTFP, I just feel trapped. I feel like I'm in a bubble and the pressure is getting greater everyday. I just want to get out and experience the world. I am just getting a little sick of Boston. I have no car, I have no way of getting out of the bustling city and the bland MIT campus.

Updates on the New Semester...

2008-10-18T17:04:00.004-04:00

It's been quite a while since my last entry. I feel like my world is somewhat of a frenzy lately and I couldn't find the time to sit down and write anything coherent. This school year has gotten the best of me. I'm always working on this or that and I seem to have no time for anything else. As I am writing this entry, I have a 10+ page technical report that is due in 3 days waiting to be done. I also have three lab reports to write up in my lab notebook, a math pset due at the end of this week, two critiques to write for this Tuesday, a paper revision along with a second paper due for my HASS class in a couple more weeks, not counting the new pset to come for my 3.012 class.

It has been quite stressful because no matter what I do, I feel like there is not enough hours in one day to get everything done and to relax at the same time. I have not called my parents in a couple weeks even though I used to call them twice every week. I've been working extra hard this term as opposed to last term where I just lollygagged and did jacksquat.

About two weeks ago I had so much work that it was insane! So I worked from 3-9 PM on Thursday night, had dinner, then worked some more until late. I went to bed that night, woke up on Friday morning, went to school, then worked my ass off as soon as class ended. Then that Saturday, I spent 12 hours straight working from about 10AM to 10PM (I am not kidding you, I was working for 12 hours straight, I took like three or four 5-10 minute breaks in between to go to the bathroom and grab some food). I was on the verge of breakdown when Sean decided that I needed a break, so he dragged me to the movies and we saw "Choked" which turned out to be a pretty deep movie. It made me think about something other than homework. The movie was a nice break, so I went to bed pretty content. Then that Sunday, I worked again from 10-10, then decided to take a breather and went to bed. Then on Monday, I worked from 9AM to noon, went to class, came back at 3PM, and worked again until 6PM, then I rushed to school for a poster presentation from 7PM to 10 PM that night. And then the cycle began all over again.

It is nuts how everything just piles up without me realizing it. Like right now, I am buried under so much work. I know that it's sort of stupid to be here typing this entry when I could use the time to work, but really, I need a break. I've been reading research literature on XRD and other kinds of diffraction for about 5 hours. All of the equations seemed to have melted into one huge jumble in my head and nothing makes sense anymore.

I knew that this would happen, so yesterday I decided to take a night off and just forget about any work that I had just for one night, and enjoy myself before diving in head first. So last night Sean took me up to Salem for some of the cool attractions that they have around Halloween. It was pretty cool. We walked around, checked out sites where people were hanged, etc. It was really cold, so we left early. On the way home, we bought some ingredients to make some cupcakes. So we got home at about 11PM, by 11:45, we had some delicious red velvet cupcakes at the tips of our fingers =]. That was awesome.

So right now, I'm thinking of going back to writing my technical report and then take a breather to have dinner and finally call my parents. Thank goodness for Sean. He's always here to make sure I have something to eat and clean clothes to wear because sometimes I'm so busy working that I forget to eat and forget that I have 4 loads of laundry waiting to be done. He did the laundry this morning, made me lunch, and he's cooking dinner right now as we speak. A man like that is hard to find =]

And So Summer Has Passed...

2008-09-07T17:17:00.004-04:00

I haven't written here in a while. I've just been too busy working, and having fun to really sit down and write a meaningful post lately. Summer was more fun than I had expected. I worked 35 hours a week at the Student Services Center in the Collections Department. That wasn't the most exciting job I've ever had but my boss was really nice and the hours were flexible. So that gave me time to actually sleep and socialize.

I went out a lot this summer. I explored Boston (on foot), had late night runs to Shaw's at the Pru, ate out in Porter Square using every penny I had left in my pocket (literally every penny), went to Haymarket almost every weekend, cooked lots of Vietnamese food, played scrabble until 2 AM, went home to California at the beginning of summer, worked, went to upstate New York and experienced farmland for the first time in my life, met his parents and grandparents, had a picnic at a beautiful lake with his family, frollicked down a countryside road, kissed under the stars on a deserted playground late at night, got drenched in the rain coming back from Barnes and Noble, had desserts and wine at Top of the Hub, saw lots of movies, had JP licks ice cream, relived my first date at Harvard Square, had crepes at the crepe house, went to the arboretum on a whim and had a picnic, went to Jamaica Plains and to the original JP licks on a rainy day, ...., went home to California once again but this time, I brought Sean home with me, went to Disneyland and California Adventures with old friends, had lots of Vietnamese food, spent time with my dear parents, walked down the Huntington Beach pier, had fries and shake at Ruby's at the end of the pier. Summer was sweet like sugarcane candy.

And so my summer passed by and classes have begun once more. As I start classes for this year, I am embarking on an adventure, one that will not only be exciting but will also be a struggle. I've already attended three of my classes for this term, the fourth class will not meet until the 15th of September.

All of my classes seem interesting so far. It's quite exciting to think that these classes that I am taking now are actually a part of what will make my future, the foundation of my career. It's actually a little scary to think about because these classes seem so detached from the real world. They all seem very technical and it makes me wonder if I'd ever actually use what I learn once I graduate. Well, I guess it doesn't matter if all this stuff I'm learning is applicable in the real world as long as I enjoy learning it. Afterall, I am going to school for free here so I can't really complain.

Anyway, I just got back from tutoring someone. So this term, I am working part time at the Student Services Center and I am tutoring a couple of students in the evening and on the weekend. Hopefully I'll have some free time for socializing since MIT is hard as it is, adding a couple jobs onto that would only be overkill. But we'll just have to wait and see how I do this term. I think I can handle it, but if it gets too rough, then I guess I'll have to quit my part time job or just drop one of my students. I'm just trying to make the most of my time here, being as productive as possible.

So for this term my schedule will be pretty full everyday. I'll just have to kick it up a notch and hope for the best.

Midnight ramblings

2008-06-22T00:39:00.004-04:00

I was on my facebook earlier and I was looking at my own profile when I noticed the bumper sticker that Kim had sent me a couple weeks ago. It says, "Never regret anything because it was exactly what you wanted at one point." I've heard this saying before and I myself have quoted this before as well. I would dare go as far as saying that it is somewhat my motto when it comes to disappointments and failures in life.

As I sit there and stare at the screen, I wondered if I really don't have any regrets. I spent at least half an hour just thinking of all the disappointments and failures that I could and try to feel regret, but to my own surprise, I did not find and could not feel any morsel of regret at all. Maybe half an hour is not enough time to sort through all of my disappoints, maybe I do have regrets about something in my past, but I just haven't thought of it yet. However, I do find it comforting that I can't think of it, if it does exist that is. This goes to show that I don't let the regret of whatever that has happened haunt me. If I can't even think of it, then it must not be important to me. It must be tucked away somewhere or just completely forgotten. 'Tis the way life should be lived because life itself is much too short to have regrets and to hold grudges.

~~~~~~~~***~~~~~~~~

I sat down earlier tonight to pluck my eyebrows for the very first time by myself. As I looked at myself in the mirror, I examined each feature carefully, running my fingers along the curves of my face, admiring the genetics that are behind each feature that I possess. I plucked each hair with intensity, and my eyes started to tear up as I proceeded. While shaping my brows, I wondered why women go through such trouble and pain to look "pretty." I even started to question my own motive. Why did I even sit down and pluck my eyebrows in the first place? I obviously do not like pain (who, besides masochists, enjoys pain? really?). Why did I feel the need to tend to such a tiny detail?

I couldn't give myself a straight answer. I dodged the question, and I dodged the reality of what was happening to me. Not that the answer was something shameful in the eye of the public, but it was something shameful in the eye of my innerself. I didn't give myself a straight answer because deep down inside, I already knew the answer. I just didn't want to openly admit it.

I felt the need to look pretty.

I have changed as a person. I feel compromised. I wonder when and how this transformation has taken place. I used to take pride in the fact that I was comfortable with who I was as a person without makeup, jewelry, or any other "enhancements"/beauty tricks, let alone plucked eyebrows. And here I am, sitting down, plucking my eyebrows on my own free will (such a trivial detail of my face). I feel as if I have grown to criticize my own appearance. I somehow "learned" to have lower self-esteem. I let what society tells me get to me finally, after 19 years, and I let it compromise who I am. I let it make me feel the need to make myself "pretty."

I thought nothing of this when I started to wear makeup on a regular basis this year. But it somehow just hit me hard tonight when I sat down to pluck my eyebrows. When have I turned girly? I don't know. Why did it take me 19 years to do so if it really was who I am all along? It makes me even more confused when I find that I enjoy wearing the makeup and jewelry. I enjoy wearing the girlier clothes and I enjoy dressing up. Since when did this Kathy exist? I guess there is nothing wrong with enjoying it, but it makes me a little worried that maybe I am compromising my personality. Bu then again, am I really compromising my personality if I am still comfortable without the makeup and the jewelry?

Even though this seems to be a big issue for me, I feel that it is somewhat justified that I want to look pretty, as long as I don't obsess over it. I just find it hard to accept the changes that has occurred since I have always been a tomboy. However, I think it is innate for everyone, including men, to want to look "pretty." It is part of the results of evolution. Humans have evolved in such a way that in order to (in the roughest sense) attract a mate, they must make themselves pretty (or at least presentable). It is almost synonymous to a buffoon puffing its cheeks and pounding its chest in order to attract a mate. Humans just do it differently, by outside appearance.

~~~~~~~~***~~~~~~~~

DISCLAIMER: This post is titled "Midnight ramblings" so please take it for what it is. It is indeed a jumble of thoughts that came to me around midnight and I just felt like writing it down. So if this does not make sense and/or is repetitive/flawed in anyway, ignore it.

Human Interaction

2008-06-15T16:22:00.005-04:00

Being in Boston for the summer makes me realize how important human interaction is. Even though I spent last summer here as well, it was much different then. Last time, I was surrounded by a bubble known as Project Interphase. I was constantly around people, and there were sponsored activities and classes that I participated in, which ensured that I got my dose of human interaction everyday.

However, this summer, I am living in my dorm along with 4 or 5 other people who are all here to work just like me. We all have jobs to attend to, and when we get back from work, we fix our meals quickly, have a few bites, and head off to bed to rest and start the cycle over again. It gets quite lonely because many of us are too tired to interact with each other.

Before this week started, I had some sort of human interaction because Sean was still around. He'd come visit me and make sure that I wasn't dying of loneliness. Now that he's 3000 miles away, I am not getting my dose of human interaction each day. For example, I haven't spoken one word aloud today (and I've been up since 9:00 AM this morning) because there is no one to talk to. Not to mention the fact that I miss my family, my friends, and him so very much. It makes things a whole lot harder.

I try to keep myself busy so I would forget about how much I miss them. I'd run, read, draw, paint, write, etc. but I do all of these things by myself, and it gets very very lonely. When I'm alone, I tend to think and too much thinking is not good for me. Having too much time alone drives me nuts because I think about the weirdest shit and then I become a worry wart.

Last night I made an effort to change this, and it sort of worked...sort of. I came out of the bathroom and saw Robert helping Josh move into his new room, so I joined them. The three of us ended up talking about physics, math, race, religion, and other weird shit that only MIT kids would talk about. When Josh left to join the mobile drinking party that eventually ended up at Random Hall, Robert made some steak and offered me some. It was delicious. While eating, we both agreed that it does get lonely because no one is around this summer. So we came up with a plan that we should have dinner together every night and go running/swimming together to make sure we are not going insane. I hope we can keep this up because without human interaction, I am going a wee bit cuckoo.

No one likes to be smothered

2008-05-25T00:42:00.002-04:00

"The easiest way to lose something is to want it too badly." - JD (from the show Scrubs)

I'm spewing Scrubs wisdom all of sudden. I was so sad when the writers went on strike and the show was cancelled during its last season. Anyhow, that quote has so much truth in it, I don't even know where to begin.

I have had so many experiences in my life where I wanted something so badly that I screw up in trying to get it. The most recent experience was my last relationship. I wanted it to work with him so badly that I fucked everything up. I tried so hard to make it work even though it was already falling apart. I forced myself on it, I gave it my heart and soul, just to lose it in the end. From that experience, I learned that there is such a thing as too much love and being smothered by it.

As I embark on the journey through the next phase of my life, I hold that lesson close to my heart. I am always afraid of smothering the ones I love and care about like I did in my last relationship. I am afraid of smothering my parents, my friends, and my boyfriend. I am afraid of giving and loving too much. I sometimes wonder if I had overanalyzed the situation, and I wonder if it really was too much love that had ruined my last relationship or it was just a change of heart on his part. However, I have already decided to play it safe from then on. I have already decided to hold my feelings in check just to make sure that I am not smothering them, that I am not overwhelming them, that I am not constantly showering them with love.

It sometimes frustrates me to hold back my feelings. To help myself stay sane, I always tell myself that it is the rational way to approach anything in life, to keep emotions in check and think logically before diving in head first, whether it is a relationship or a professional project. It is always best to keep my emotions separate from anything I do until I am sure that it is ok to let my emotions get involved.

I constantly seek that balance where I am expressing enough of my emotions but I am also not smothering my loved ones. This is a delicate balance and it makes me paranoid to tell the ones I love that I love them. I am paranoid that I am doing too much, giving too much, and overwhelming them with how much I care. The fear of wanting something so badly that I would lose it takes over me every time I show my feelings.

I sometimes wish that I could show my emotions without having to worry about smothering them. I want to open up without having to worry about saying too much. I want to tell the ones I love that I love them. I want to do sweet things for them, give them hugs and kisses, I want to make sure they know how much I really care. I want to rid myself of my inhibitions, of the limitations, and anything else that would stop me from showing my true emotions. However, all of these are only desires. My fear is still intact, because after all, "the easiest way to lose something is to want it too badly."

My existential moments

2008-05-11T22:24:00.008-04:00

It's sprinkling lightly outside as I get up and stuff my papers, notebooks, and my bright-red laptop into my messenger bag. Sliding the glass door open, I head for the stairs and descend the four flights of stairs to the first floor of the student center. As I step outside, I feel the slight sprinkle on my face. It is a nice change from the stuffy and tasteless study room that I have been sitting in for the past 5 hours.

I head for the crosswalk on Massachusetts Avenue and wait for the familiar chirping sound. As I stand waiting, cars pass me by unaware of my existence. I wonder where they are going in this rainy night, and what the people in the cars are thinking. My messenger bag weighs down on my shoulder as I shift its contents around. I look across the street and see the epic building in front of me with its columns rising up to the roof, supporting it, reminding me of the Pantheon. "Massacvsetts Institvte of Technology." The words stretch across the top of the building. Even though this is a familiar sight, it somehow appears eerie and different in the rain at 2:00 AM.

I find myself absorbed in a philosophical mood as I cross the street and head up the steps of 77 Massachusetts Avenue. Entering Lobby 7, I feel a sudden surge of loneliness. Standing in the vast room, I look up at the dome above me, and suddenly find myself lying on the floor in the middle of the lobby. I hear a piano being played somewhere in the distance. I lie there, not knowing why, and listen to Chopin's Nocturne Op.9 No. 2 being played by some dedicated pianist. Tears roll down my eyes. I close them for a second and get up quickly, gather my messenger bag and head down the famous Infinite Corridor.

A lone figure walking down the corridor at 2:00 AM, I feel insignificant and lonely. Why? I don't know. I am an insignificant being in this big world of technology and traditions, of love and wars, of power and greed. I don't quite understand my emotions and my thoughts. I don't understand my purpose in life and I definitely don't have a grasp on my own existence. My feet keep moving and bring me to the end of the corridor. I push the heavy wooden door and walk into the rain once more. I clutch my messenger bag, hoping that my problem sets are safe from the refreshing yet damaging rain.

This is my life. The life that I had chosen when I left home on June 20th, 2007. This is my home. I am alone. The rain falls harder as I pass building 18 with some of its windows spotted with lights. I see shadows of grad students slaving away into the late hours of the night as I pass the labs. I wonder, why did they choose this life? Did they know that this was the life that they would lead when they left home at the tender age of 18? or 17 or even 16?

The wind coming from the Charles sway me as I try to walk in a straight line. Building 54 stands tall, and the Great Sail in the distance is not doing its job of blocking the strong wind. My steps grow heavier due to the heavy gusts howling its way through the tunnel created by the stilts that hold building 54. I look up at the vast dark sky, and I feel myself questioning life as a whole, and hell, even humankind itself. Isn't it a funny thought? A tiny girl walking in the rain on an empty campus at 2 AM, feeling insignificant and lonely, looking at the dark sky and feeling the rain on her face, thoughts racing through her head as she questions humankind. How pathetic and existential can this girl get? Right? Well, it happens more often than you would think on those 2:00 AM treks from the student center back to the dorm when you live alone on a college campus that demands your soul.

I always feel like something is missing in my life no matter what. I have loving parents, supportive friends, and an amazing boyfriend. I attend one of the most prestigious universities in the world for free, what more can I ask for? I don't know. That is the problem. I get existential and question humankind and the meaning of life because I don't know what I am doing here. Sure, I like learning, and that's what I'm doing. And then what? After the schooling, I will be making money, and settling down. And then what? I will have kids (hopefully) and watch them go through the same cycle that I did. And then what? I pass on. Where in that sequence did I get an answer with substance to the question "And then what?" No where.

I try to see the big picture, to maybe find a purpose for my life, but the only thing it does is make me question even bigger and broader things like the universe. I rationalize by saying, well, maybe I am a part of a master plan. Maybe my purpose is to save the world or make some big contribution to humankind. Maybe I'll make some big discovery and help save the world from an asteroid that is about to destroy the Earth. Well, why would I want to save mankind anyway? Why would it be so important that we survive? I can't seem to define my purpose or anyone else's purpose in life, then why would it matter if we all just disappear from the universe? We are so insignificant in this universe, our existence is trivial. The more I try to rationalize, the more existential I get. It is a vicious cycle.

This happens quite often as I walk back to my room late at the night after working on my problem sets. I question the universe and the meaning of life. Then I would get ready for bed, and start anew the next day. I would wake up in the morning and forget about my existential thoughts I had the night before and go about my life with monotony. Where is that excitement I once felt? I don't quite know. This is the life I had chosen when I left home on June 20th, 2007.

Goals

2008-05-01T22:21:00.002-04:00

So this summer I have several things I would like to get done:

1. Work and save up some money

2. Start working out again (swimming/running)

3. Read up on quantum, relativity, string theory, and other physics-related stuff

4. Catch up on the pleasure reading (novels by Isabel Allende and Ian McEwan)

5. Pick up the saxophone again (and possibly the violin!)

6. Catch up with old friends

7. Build new relationships

8. Maybe do some more soul-searching and grow a little more as a person

That's a lot of goals for one summer, but hopefully I'll achieve them all =]

Risks

2008-05-01T21:11:00.005-04:00

Today during my 21w.731 class, we discussed structures and different styles of writing. We analyzed the structure of a short piece called "Chromium" from Primo Levi's book "The Periodic Table." Our professor asked us to draw a picture/symbol of what we think the structure of the piece looks like. I drew a wine glass, which turned out to be a pretty accurate symbol for the structure of the piece. The professor ended up using it as a general example to explain the the structure to the class.

This led to a discussion about the risks that Primo Levi took in writing his piece in terms of the structure and the risks that he took even in naming his book "The Periodic Table." The professor (I shall call her Susan, since that's what everyone in the class call her), explained that in order to grow as writers we need to take risks in our writing. She commented on how some of the students in the class (including myself) have grown greatly as writers because she has seen us taking big risks in our writing throughout the course. She mentions the stream of consciousness piece that I am planning on writing, and what a big risk that is to take, especially for an amateur writer such as myself. However, she thinks that I will able to pull it off because she has seen great growth in my writing since beginning of the semester.

While all of this was going on, I found a parallel between what Susan said and what I've been struggling with internally as of late. I have been taking great risks in my writing and all I've gotten back from Susan was positive comments and feedback. I have grown as a writer. For this class, I don't even think twice about taking a risk because I enjoy the challenge even if I don't succeed in doing what I set out to do. It is the risks I take in life that will make me grow as a person just as the risks I took in 21w.731 has made me grow as a writer. I find the joy in doing something different, trying something new even if it means risking failure, so why am I hesitant when it comes to some other risks in life?

The more I think about it, the more I seem to understand myself. I don't seem to have any trouble taking academic risks, so it is not the overall idea of taking a risk that is making me hesitate. It is the specific type of risk, and the consequences involved with the risk that is creating all the reservation and hesitation. I am finally coming to see why I can't bring myself to take the risk that I have been thinking about. It is the fear of rejection, of failure, and of history repeating itself.

This fear does not apply to every aspect of my life, but it only applies to my emotional side. That is why I tend to remain "rational" and "logical" when it comes to relationships. For most of my life, I was never afraid of failure and rejection, until within the past couple years. I have always been the first one to volunteer to try something new, to risk failing, and to risk rejection. However, after some incidents in my life, I became more reserved. I became more careful when it comes to emotions. I suppress my feelings in fear of history repeating itself. I deal out my emotions in a more careful manner, in other words, I try to avoid dealing them out altogether. I can be in a "relationship" with someone but I tend to remain aloof in terms of emotional connections in fear of a broken-heart.

However, recently I found that it is frustrating to live that way, to suppress your feelings, and avoid taking the risk of being emotionally vulnerable to someone. Maybe sometimes it is better to take that risk, to wear your heart on your sleeve, and show that person the emotional side too, not just the rational and logical side of you.

Many times I have thought of this, but every time, I would always come up with another obstacle that stands in my way. Each time the obstacle is different, one time, it is the fear of rejection another it is the fear of failure. What if that person doesn't want to see the emotional side of me? What if the person doesn't appreciate my emotions and take them lightly? What if that person does not want to take that risk with me? Then I will be the only emotionally vulnerable one. All these "What if's" are creating a build-up of reservation in my life. It makes me hesitate more than ever and I have no way of telling whether or not I should take the risk.

It is so cliched when people tell me that if you get too caught up in the what ifs you won't get to experience the other parts of life. Sure, it is easy to say, but it is not as easy to do. I would love to be able to invoke the old Kathy who could afford to take emotional risks and be reckless with her feelings, but that is not the case here. The old Kathy was an immature and naive fifteen year old when all of that happened. It is now a different time, and a different place. I cannot afford to have history repeat itself. I have too many other things to deal with, another crash will not help my state of being.

As much as I want to be reckless, I need to be more rational with my feelings. I cannot afford to dive in head-first with someone not knowing whether or not the person is willing to do the same for me. Thus, in order for me to open up, and take that risk of being vulnerable, my counterpart has to show me that they are willing to take that risk of being vulnerable too. It will relief me of the fear of failure and rejection because then I will know that the person is risking just as much as I am in the relationship.

Only at MIT...

2008-05-01T18:36:00.002-04:00

do you get something like this in a Differential Equations lecture:

[4] It turns out that the same system models the relationship between Romeo and Juliet. The MIT Humanities Department has analyzed the plot of Shakespeare's play and found the following. If R denotes Romeo's love for Juliet, and J denotes Juliet's love for Romeo, then

R' = J
J' = -(17/16)R + (1/2)J

Romeo is a puppy dog. He has little selfawareness; the change in his feelings towards Juliet has nothing to do with how he himself feels at the moment; it is completely dependent on how she feels about him. Juliet is more complex. She has a healthy self awareness; if she loves him, that very fact causes her to love him more. On the other hand, if he seems to love her, she gets frightened and starts to love him less.

Let's start the action at (1,0). So Romeo is fond of Juliet but she is neutral towards him. However, she does notice that he is fond of her, and this makes her somewhat hostile. As she becomes more distant, his affection wanes. Eventually he is neutral and she really doesn't like him. This continues; presently he stays away from her, and this very fact makes her more intested. She warms to him, he notices and his rate of increase of disinterest starts to ameliorate. Eventually she is neutral and just as he bottoms out. He then starts to feel better towards her, but still stays away, and now both his attitude and hers cause her to feel progressively more well disposed towards him. This causes him to continue to warm to her.

Following this around, you wind up at J = 0 again, but now R has increased. This is a cyclical relationship, but with each cycle the intensity increases. We all know the sad outcome.

Late Night Impulse

2008-04-30T03:40:00.010-04:00

If I fell in love with you

Would you promise to be true?

And help me understand

'Cause I've been in love before

And I found that love was more

Than just holding hands.

If you don't get the reference, you probably have been living under a rock. Google it!

Here's my favorite version of this song.

Rain

2008-04-30T01:56:00.003-04:00

I've written a couple entries about snow, so I guess this is the rain version.

Rain has always been one of those things that brings nostalgia. Even though I complain about how messy it is, I actually secretly love rain. It is such a cleansing and refreshing phenomenon. However, as I have obligations being a human, I have to get to classes, rush here and there to get things done throughout the day, this beautiful phenomenon becomes a nuisance as I try to keep my books and papers dry. I would just love to be able to run into the rain, dance around, jump into puddles, and just enjoy the refreshing power of nature without a care in the world, just like I used to do when I was child. Unfortunately, this was only a fantasy as I was sitting in a room in building 4 with my friends Fred and Milena, working on our physics problem sets for hours.

As we were working, Milena mentioned that she loves the sound of the rain on the roof, and how it brings back childhood memories for her. This sparked a conversation between us, and we both shared a little our past with each other. I mentioned loving the sound of the rain on a tin roof, and what it sounded like on a roof made of palm leaves. She wanted to know what a house made out of palm leaves looked like, so I googled searched some images to give her a slight idea of what my childhood homes were like. Here are some examples:

Image 1

Image 2

These images don't quite exactly represent where I came from (they are actually a little worse off than what I had to deal with) but they were pretty close.

We then proceeded to talk about how even though everyone lives in the same world, it is such a shame that there is a huge discrepancy in lifestyles between the poor and the rich. The poor had no idea how the rich lived and the rich had no idea how the poor lived. It was like they each lived in their own world.

After our little conversation, we all went back to work. While I was pondering over alternating RLC circuits and getting frustrated with some ugly integrals involving exponentials and nasty trigonometric functions, I closed my eyes and imagined myself as a 5 year-old again. I could hear the rain hitting the roof of building 4, but in my head, it was the sound of the rain hitting the leafs on the roof of the house I used to live in. I could see my parents setting up little buckets underneath the places where our roof leaked while I was sitting in a corner, drawing on a notebook of some sort. This is a tender memory for me.

I used to love rainy days as a child because I could "tam mua" meaning shower in the rain. Whenever it rained, I would beg my mom to allow me to shower in the rain. She would always warn me of pneumonia, and most of the time say no, but on some lucky days, she would say yes. I would then (as a child of 5), run straight into the rain, and find the neighbor's children. We would play games in the rain, chasing each other, jumping in puddles, screaming and laughing. Then when it got too cold to continue, we would run home, have our mothers dry us down, change into warm clothes, and sit down to a warm homemade meal.

So when someone asks me if I feel sad looking back at my childhood because of how much I lacked, I would tell them no, I actually loved my childhood. It was memories like these that made it so much better than video games and expensive toys.

I would love to relive these memories, or at least just walk in the rain with someone, being happy without a care in the world. I guess I'm just too much of a hopeless romantic.

Seize the Day

2008-04-29T02:51:00.004-04:00

So in the last post I shared a couple of my favorite poems. They both have the bottom message of "seize the day." (I find the second one a lot more amusing than the first though). Even though this may seem a little cliched, I've been thinking about it quite a bit lately. I wonder whether or not I am living life to the fullest right now. Whether or not I am walking into things with too much reservation, whether or not I am too careful about the decisions that I make.

I had a very thought-provoking conversation with someone tonight that's leading me to the answer to my questions. I basically poured my heart out to this person. I told him about my emotions, my rationality, my struggle with finding the balance between the two, and my struggle to evaluate risks. This isn't quite an identity crisis, but it is an integral part in defining how I live my life. I've got to learn how to seize my days effectively, rationally, and emotionally without damaging myself too much.

While talking to this person, I realized that I tend to complicate things for myself. Because of my academic brain, I turn everything into something rational/logical rather than something with a balance of rationality and emotions. It makes me hesitate to take certain risks in life. I felt like a hypocrite for telling others to take risks because here I am, evaluating, rethinking, and analyzing every risk I plan on taking. I find myself struggling to evaluate some risks, and breezing through some others. This is ironic because you would think that I have a set way of evaluating these risks since I have such a scientific and mathematical brain, but I don't. And here lies my problem. I have no way of telling which risk is worth taking in life and which isn't. This hinders my ability to "seize the day."

Because I have no system to define which risk is worth taking, sometimes I just overanalyze these risks. This in turn creates hesitation and reservation, which then brings me back to the question "am I walking into these things with too much reservation?" In order to seize the day, I should probably lessen my reservation as I engage myself in social and professional risks. This by no means suggests that I be totally irrational about my decisions, but it just means that I need to stop overanalyzing things. It would be good to just take things for what they are, this will lessen the amount of reservation I have.

That also brings me back to what that person said to me earlier tonight. He said that things are as complicated as I make them. This is true on so many different levels. I'm just too caught up in my pseudo-rational and logical world that everything is made into a problem and I'm constantly in search of a solution, just like doing my psets. Why can't I be like a normal person, and just go for it without overthinking it?

Seize the day. Carpe Diem, baby. I have said that about money and some other aspects of life, why can't I apply that to my social and professional decisions? I don't know. I guess it's because I've learned from past mistakes that rationality is best in these cases. However, I think I've allowed rationality to take over my emotional part, and every time I make a decision, I let my brain do most of the work rather than listening to what my heart has to say. I would try to tune out my feelings, and this in turn creates an internal struggle. This is ironic because in a sense I am being irrational about being rational. It's funny how my brain works.

When I started writing this entry, I had no idea where it was going. However, as the blog unfolded itself, I was able to pinpoint my problem, and able to explore why I have those problems. This will make it easier for me to come up with a solution to my problems. Hopefully I'll be able to find the balance between rationality/logic and my emotions soon and finally live my life to the fullest without too much reservation and hesitation.

Gather ye roses while ye may

2008-04-24T23:58:00.006-04:00

Gather Ye Roses

Gather ye roses while ye may,
Old time is still a-flying;
A world where beauty fleets away
Is no world for denying.
Come lads and lasses, fall to play
Lose no more time in sighing

The very flowers you pluck to-day
To-morrow will be dying;
And all the flowers are crying,
And all the leaves have tongues to say,-
Gather ye roses while ye may.



NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH

To the Virgins, to make much of Time

GATHER ye rosebuds while ye may,

Old Time is still a-flying:

And this same flower that smiles today

To-morrow will be dying.

The glorious lamp of heaven, the sun,

The higher he's a-getting,

The sooner will his race be run,

And nearer he's to setting.

That age is best which is the first,

When youth and blood are warmer;

But being spent, the worse, and worst

Times still succeed the former.

Then be not coy, but use your time,

And while ye may, go marry:

For having lost but once your prime,

You may for ever tarry.


There's more to life than holding grudges. Forgive and forget...well I forgive, but I don't forget. I will write more later. It's time for bed because I have an 18.03 test tomorrow.

Carpe Diem

2008-04-23T04:28:00.003-04:00

Earlier last week, Sean was telling me about his client (he's a personal trainer). I was really intrigued and amused by his stories, and I told him that his life was so interesting compared to mine. Before leaving, he said something along the lines of "That's why I love my life. I experience interesting things everyday, instead of worrying about east campus vs. west campus." I know he didn't mean anything bad by this, but I made it a point to write a blog about this.

So I guess "real life" consists of work, renting your own apartment, and paying your own bills. It excludes the college campus, the dorms, and the quirks of living on a college campus. Even though Sean (and many other people who live the "real life") deal with the harsher reality everyday of being on their own as independent adults, I feel like there is no shame in being a stereotypical college student either.

I don't have to pay my own bills, my dorm is paid for, and I don't work because I've won enough scholarships to feed me through out the year. Sure, I bitch about west campus and east campus, I bitch about which dorm has a crappy location on campus, etc. but that doesn't mean that I am inferior to those who pay their own bills and complain about greater problems. It's as if what Sean said was a slap in the face. As if it he was saying "Yeah, I'm more mature than you. I don't worry about trivial things like east vs west, I experience the more prominent things life has to offer such as actual human connection."

My take on this issue is that I have the rest of my life to live in the "real world." Why should I rush into it when I can still enjoy being semi-innocent in relations to bills and whatnot. Your teenage years happen once in your life, and the college experience is also only a few years "short" so why waste it trying to get out into the "real world" when you can enjoy it? I'm not saying that people shouldn't be getting ready to take responsibilities when they graduate, but all I am saying is college is the time to get ready, not to jump out there right away. So there is no shame in complaining about the more "trivial" things like problem sets and which dorm hold the suckiest parties.

East vs. West

2008-04-16T02:59:00.002-04:00

So throughout history, there's always been that issue of East versus West. Plays such as Madame Butterfly or the more modern version of it, M. Butterfly, magnify the these issues and offer the social criticism that is much needed. However, on a smaller scale, even on the MIT campus, the issue of East vs. West is prominent.

Just as a disclaimer, just because I live on the east side of campus does not mean that I will be biased on my opinions. I will try to remain as objective as possible when analyzing the situation in this case, because I feel that there are too many perpetuated stereotypes against each side of campus that turn the students against each other based on where they live.

To start off this discussion, I will mention some of the stereotypes of each side of campus.
EAST:
-Only weird people live here
-People here are often nerdy and awkward
-People here are junkies/pot heads/etc.
-You may stray from your morals if you live here
-People here are often ugly (especially girls) and are sloppy in their appearance
-People here don't shower
and the list goes on...

WEST:
-People here are in frats and sororities
-People here care too much about their appearance
-People here are stuck up/pretentious
-People here are clique-y like in high school
-People here drink and get shitfaced every weekend
-People here dress in "preppy" clothes
-People here are douchebags/assholes/bitches/etc
and once again, the list goes on...

So those are some stereotypes of each side of campus. One often hears these stereotypes thrown around when people talk about the opposite side of campus. What bothers me is the fact that they don't account for exceptions. I have friends who are in frats and sororities. I have friends who aren't in frats and sororities but still live on the west side of campus. These people don't fit into these stereotypes at all. They are actually nice, smart, and normal people. I also have friends on the east side of campus who don't fit into the stereotypes either. I will explain this later on.

So anyway, what brought about this entry was an argument one of my friends who lives at Senior Haus (East) had with some people at Simmons (West). This friend of mine is involved in an organization that is largely based on the west side of campus. At one of their meetings, someone mentioned that he's been telling the the pre-froshes during CPW that they shouldn't live on the east side of campus due to *insert any east campus stereotype here.* My friend gets very angry at this, first of all, because no one is supposed to give a pre-frosh a pre-notion of what a place is like because it is Campus Preview Weekend, not Rush. Second of all, even during Rush, no one should bad mouth any part of campus because that would provide a biased view of the place. Last but not least, that is very immature of him to tell pre-froshes that east campus people are junkies and that people may stray from their morals just by living here, considering he doesn't go to east campus often enough to really see what it's like. Someone there mentioned that he's been to east campus once, and some mentioned that they've never been here at all throughout their 2-4 years of being at MIT. (Isn't that just crazy?! People stay away from a place because of stupid stereotypes like these).

He asked my friend why she got so worked up over something small like that, but he does not realize that if he were in the same situation, he'd probably feel the same way. How would he like it if we go around telling pre-froshes to not live on the west side of campus because people there are assholes and they get shitfaced every weekend? I mean, really, stereotypes are true to a certain extent, but it should not be perpetrating separation between the two sides of campus, especially when it gives pre-froshes an already biased opinion of the place. Of course there are people here who don't shower, and there are junkies here, but the majority of the people are plain normal. Whether or not you stray from your morals, that's up to you. You can stray from your morals living on the west side of campus as well as the east, so he shouldn't have made it seem like east campus people will bring out the devil inside everyone. Sure, we have a lot more social freedom here. No one here judges you, so you can break some social barriers like walking around naked on your hall, or smoking the occasional joint without having anyone tell you that it's not ok. But really, we're not all junkies and pot heads.

Also, it bothers me when people go around telling pre-froshes that people on the west side of campus are douchey. Yeah, so I know quite a few assholes who live on the west side of campus, but that doesn't mean that every single person there is like that. I actually traverse there and back quite often, so I believe my opinion has some sort of weight on the issue. I like the people there. They offer a different environment. Sure, there are social restrictions, and you feel self-inhibition while being there, but it is how the real world is. You get used to that. I mean, imagine, you can't really walk around naked in your work place, so it's not ok to walk around naked in a living group if people are uncomfortable about it. That is perfectly ok. Just because some people find it immoral to smoke pot, doesn't make them "preppy" and pretentious. Different people have different beliefs. Be more tolerant!!

East campus and west campus offer different cultures, and sure, not everyone will like each other, but I feel that people need to be more open minded towards different "cultures." Technically we are different cultures just as the French is different from the Chinese in M. Butterfly. We need to open up our eyes, experience the culture for ourselves, immerse ourselves in this difference, and then learn the beauty of each individual instead of judging everyone based on a stereotype.

While writing this blog, I realized that I am a hypocrite for criticizing those who throw these stereotypes around. I, too, am guilty of this at one point. However, I try to keep it under control. I hosted a pre-frosh during CPW but I stayed away from these stereotypes. She asked me what my views of the different parts of campus are, but I told her that I didn't want to give her a biased opinion, so she could go explore and experience it for herself. And she did, she spent quite a bit of time on the west side of campus. I didn't try to play up east campus while she was here either. I told her to participate in our sponsored events, but it was up to her to decide whether or not she liked east campus or west campus. I took no part in that decision and I am proud of that fact.

I feel like I've ranted enough about this, if you want to hear more about this issue, go here. I'm sure he has more to say and he'll say it a lot more eloquently than I did.

Campus Preview Weekend

2008-04-10T22:20:00.002-04:00

CPW started today. I woke up early and called my pre-frosh to make sure that she got here alright. I then went to class until 12:30 and went to pick her up from the Student Center. We then went out to get lunch with my friend Fred.

This all seems like a dream to me. It was only a year ago that I was one of those confused pre-froshes. Now I'm the one that seems to be all-knowing in the eyes of my pre-frosh. Crazy shit. Times like these feel so surreal. I sometimes catch myself in lapses of disbelief that I am really here at MIT, and I am part of the smartest people in this nation, if not the world. Scary!

So I told my pre-frosh to get out and do things after lunch. She's been gone ever since then, which means she's having fun. That's good because this is the time to have fun and experience the best of MIT. It may not be the best depiction of reality at MIT, but it gives them a taste of what we CAN offer. Anyway, so while my pre-frosh was out having fun, I did my psets. Yup, the life of a typical MIT student. So while Robert and I were getting our asses raped by our 18.03 pset, he said "Doesn't it scare you that we're gonna be the ones building rockets and bridges? And here we are struggling with these differential equations." That did make me shudder a bit. Scary thought.

So anyway, I am pretty much free now that I'm done with all of my psets. It feels pretty good to be liberated for a weekend. This weekend should be really awesome since I get to relive CPW, pretend that I'm a pre-frosh in order to get free food/stuff. Also Tomorrow I'm making dinner for Sean and myself, then the day after I'm going to a concert. That should be awesome. =]

Jumble of Thoughts--

2008-04-10T04:34:00.004-04:00

--It's fucking 4:34 AM and I'm still awake, yet again. This week has been such a crappy week. I had a test on Monday (that I probably didn't do so well on), I had an 8.02 pset due on Wednesday, Mastering Physics problems due later today, along with a paper for my Humanities class, and a hardcore ass-raping 18.03 pset that's due on Friday. Oh, to add onto my flipping out is the fact that my pre-frosh is coming later today. Which meant I had to clean my room, do my laundry, put together a bunk bed so she doesn't have to sleep on the floor (why am I such a nice host?!). Well, I guess it could have been worse, and I should be done with all of this by the end of tonight, so I digress.

--I'm cooking dinner for Sean and myself on Friday night, which means I have to go grocery shopping either later today, or tomorrow after class. If at all possible, I'd love to buy the grocery today so I don't have to rush tomorrow to make dinner. However, I don't think I can go today due to the fact that my 18.03 is still raping me without mercy and I have Mastering Physics due tonight. Also, we planned on having a couple drinks to go with dinner but I don't think I can go get the stuff to make the drinks because my "provider" is really busy this week. So while I was writing my paper on the Imperial City of Hue, I was trying to plan out my schedule for the next couple days, while making a grocery list all at once. Yay for multi-tasking! (yes Fred, it's because I'm Asian)

--I am extremely hungry at the moment, but I have nothing to eat besides plain cereal without milk. I desperately need to go grocery shopping.

--I still need to set up an interview time with the OME so I can get a job this summer. This also reminds me that I still need to finish up my financial aid portfolio so I can get money for next year.

--I'm excited for this Saturday to come because I'll be going to my first concert ever! Fred is paying for part of my ticket, so fuck yeah! =]

--I was talking with Fred earlier about money (I don't understand why it's such a big deal) and after a couple sentences, he said "Let's not argue about this." It makes me wonder, why do people insist on knowing what other people think? I'm not trying to accuse Fred of anything, but it really does me wonder. Like if I were to tell someone my philosophy about money, they would doubt me, and say that I'm bullshitting them. Apparently everyone must love money and there's no one on the face of this earth who doesn't love money. It seems to hit them hard that I see money from a different perspective, and therefore I must be lying to them. I still don't understand...*sigh*

--This is really random, but I was thinking about the idea of trust earlier. I find myself to be a very skeptical person. I trust no one, and I doubt everyone. This makes me wonder if I suffer from slight paranoia, thinking that everyone is out to get me. I mean, I used to trust people very easily, and quickly, but now that I'm older, I find myself questioning every move and every characteristic of a person before I decide to trust him/her. Fred would usually tell me (and Milena) that we overanalyze everything, but is it really true? I mean, we're just careful in our judgements. We look at every detail before we come to a conclusion and decide to trust someone. Is that so bad?

--I've been thinking about my major a lot lately. I don't know whether or not course 3 is a good fit for me. I've been telling people that I want to do course 8 because I like it better, but I really don't know if I'm still going to like course 8 once I start the core classes. Picking a major is so hard. I wish that I could just go through MIT taking all the classes that interest me rather than focusing my 4 years on one specific thing. I love physics, but I also like chemistry, so making me pick one creates such a huge dilemma. I know I can double major, but that would be insane, especially at MIT, and especially for two very separate majors like this. Gaaaaah!!! I need to decide by April 18. Hopefully I'll come out of this satisfied with my decision.

--I'm still really hungry. Maybe I should go to La Verde's and get something to eat. It's 5:00 AM now, I might as well just stay up the whole night tonight.

Money

2008-04-09T01:21:00.006-04:00

When I hear this word, the first thing I think of is the song by Pink Floyd with the awesome saxophone solo. However, to many people, it means so many things. To me, it isn't anything more than a vehicle through which people measure their success and honestly, I don't give a crap about it. Actually, I used to, but my perspective on this has changed so much over time.

As I was growing up, money had always been a problem for my family. I spent the first 11 years of my life in a small suburb in Vietnam, struggling to live day by day because my parents couldn't make enough money to feed us and keep us sheltered. We always blamed this on the crappy economy that was under the corrupted communist government. So during my early years, I dreamt of being rich, of having a lot of money so that my parents didn't have to work so hard and so that we could live comfortably or even with luxuries that the kids in the "city" had.

This view of money changed as I came to the United States. Here it was all about the American Dream. It was about rising out of poverty and into wealth with just your bare hands. My parents were still working hard, but we had a more comfortable life than we did back in Vietnam. Even though we were not wealthy or even middle class, my parents made enough to keep us living in a nice apartment with plenty to eat. We couldn't afford the luxuries of new clothes, but I was kept warm with the second hand stuff from the Good Will stores. I wasn't complaining because it was much better than what I had during the first 11 years of my life.

From then on, money was never a big issue for me. I never cared too much about wealth or luxuries. I mean of course luxuries are nice, but as long as I am not struggling to feed myself then life is dandy. I focus my energy on the intellectual and psychological aspects of life. Wealth means nothing to me as long as I'm happy with the people that I'm around, and as long as I'm doing what I love.

People tend to think that I'm at MIT because of the money that I will be making afterwards. Well, sure, it's a bonus that I'll be making a lot more than your average person, but it's not why I'm here. I'm here because I love to learn. I treasure the intrinsic values of knowledge, rather than the extrinsic. I get the satisfaction of learning something new everyday. It does get stressful, yes, and I do complain about it, but I worry more about the present than the future. I care about completing that class, and understanding the material, rather than getting through the problem sets, jumping through hoops, just to make money in the end.

I respect those that manage their money well. There is nothing wrong with that, but to me, managing money stops at a certain point. When you start to care too much about it, it starts to take over your life. Of course I will be smart about my money, but I will not obsess over how much I'm saving, and how much I could be making. I will not try to make more money if I know that I can lead a comfortable life with what I have. By this I mean that as long as I'm making enough to feed my family, clothe them, put a shelter over their head, have family vacations, ect. and have a portion saved for my kids' college funds and my own retirement. But I will not try to make as much money as possible, hoard it, just so that I could have more and more for "later." This concept of saving more than you need makes no sense to me. There's no need for wealth. Would this money make me happy in the end? I don't know. Maybe I wouldn't be able to spend it all before I die and I will regret not taking that trip around the world with the money that I had saved. I would much rather spend it on my loved ones, buy them something nice, splurge it on a trip that they've always wanted to take, or just spend it on some piano lessons that my daughter has always wanted.

I believe that money is made to be spent. I will not hesitate to buy a $300 pair of shoes if I were making $300 an hour. Of course I will not jeopardize my financial status and splurge away on everything, but if I'm making that much money, it shouldn't be a problem. I also believe in charity. I will not always buy nice things for myself with that $300 I make every hour, but I would not even think twice about giving my 8-hour's worth of work to some poor family in a third world country. I know what it's like to struggle through life, not knowing whether or not you have enough to eat the very next day.

I find this all very ironic that I'm not a money maniac, always trying to become wealthy or finding ways to make more and more money. Considering I came from a very poor background, one would expect me to dream of wealth and luxuries, but I don't. It may sound cliched and somewhat unbelievable, but I really do not care too much for money. I'm not a materialistic person. This doesn't mean that I don't enjoy nice things, but I can live without it, and I see material possessions and money as something very fleeting in life. It does not buy you happiness. Maybe it does for some people, but for me it doesn't. I didn't love living in a shack and not having enough to eat, but I was not unhappy when I was in Vietnam. I was in fact a very happy child. I loved that despite working hard everyday, my parents still saved enough time to spend with me. My dad would play guitar and sing to me, sometimes my mom would teach me how to read or tell me stories. That brought happiness. Even though I said that I dreamt of wealth and luxuries, I was still happy with my situation, even without money.

Doubt me if you will, but everything I've said so far is true. Even if I won't become rich coming out of this place, I will at least make enough to feed myself, because my parents are feeding themselves without college degrees, so I should be fine. Wealth, psh, who needs it as long as you're doing what you love (and as long as I'm not starving)? I'm sure as hell that when I get out of here, I'm going to be doing what I love. So money is means nothing, it doesn't measure my success, it doesn't measure my happiness, it only serves as a basic necessity (or sometimes provide some luxuries) but it's not something I will stress over.

I will not force this philosophy onto others, but I really do hope that people who are a little too concerned with this unsubstantial part of life would loosen up, and see that life isn't all about saving that money. Sometimes spending it on someone else will give you a greater satisfaction than you would ever expect. Also, saving a certain amount for retirement is fine, but saving every single penny and/or watching every financial move you make, isn't the way to live. Spontaneity is the way to live. It brings excitement to life rather than the carefully planned move that would save you money or would work out perfectly with your plan for the next 60 years. I am not telling you to go spend every penny you have, but do spend, as long as you don't jeopardize your financial standing so much that you would starve the next day. Remember, money is made to be spent.

So Carpe Diem, Baby! (that's also a Metallica song =)

An Appalling Realization...

2008-04-07T03:06:00.006-04:00

As I'm sitting here studying for my 7.013 exam, my mind started to wander after 3 hours of reading and reviewing the material. I suddenly remembered something that had really bothered me during spring break. So here's the story.

While I was home for break, I visited my old high school, just to say hi to some of the people who have made a difference in my life (Mr. Greek, Ms. Lyon, Ms. Gallardo, and Ms. Buck). Anyway, while I was at school, Ms. Lyon asked me to speak to her classes about my experiences at La Quinta High and as a first year college student. So I had the privilege of speaking to her Advanced Placement Literature class and her English 4P class (also known in a more derogatory way as "normal English for seniors").

So I had a great talk with the AP Literature class. Many of the students asked me about the workload, the social life, how to deal with being 3000 miles from home, they asked for advice on time management, etc. I loved how energetic and excited these students were about going off to college. Many of them have been accepted to pretty good schools such as UCLA, UCBerkeley, and so on. So I myself was pretty excited for them.

When 4th period rolled around, the English 4P students started to show up. I was expecting another great talk, but I during the talk, I was somewhat appalled. I said hi to the class and introduced myself and the first question I received was about the movie "21." I was not surprised since many people have never heard of MIT before this movie. So I gladly accepted the question. However, when the girl asked me this, I thought she was pulling my leg because she said "So since you go to MIT, do you know the guy Ben Campbell? He's really hot!" In my head I thought to myself, "No way is this girl serious, she must know that the guy in the movie is based on a real person, but Ben Campbell isn't real! and that guy is an actor! his name is Jim Sturgess. She must know that!!" Nope, I was wrong. She was serious when she asked me that. I had to explain to her that no, I did not know Ben Campbell, and that most of the plot in the movie isn't real, etc.

That was a heck of an opening question. So I picked another raised hand on the left side of the room. The question was (and I'm repeating this verbatim because the question was unforgettable): "How much did you pay to get into MIT?" I was freaked out, and a bit offended to say the least. I repeated the question to the girl in disbelief, asking (nicely!) if she implied that I had bribed the admissions officers to get into MIT. The girl quickly explained herself, she meant how much I had to pay "the teachers." I then understood, she meant tuition. So I proceeded to explain that I have a full ride scholarship, however, if I were to pay, it would cost me 36K a year in tuition alone.

Phew, two questions, and I'm already sweating. So the next question of course was pretty relevant I guess, but there was also a misunderstanding and a failure in communication. The question was: "Since you're an alien do you have to pay more?" I am not shitting you, that was the question. Alien?! I was once again, a bit offended. Just because I'm not white doesn't mean that I'm not a U.S. citizen. But of course, I was civil about this, so I said to him "Oh, I'm a U.S. citizen so I don't have to pay the international tuition. Even if I were international, tuition is still the same, I believe." The student, once again, explained himself, "No, I meant, like, you don't live in Massachusetts, do you pay more?" Ohhhh, he meant that I wasn't a resident of the state. By that time, I had prepared myself for a more open-minded talk. I had to see things differently and not get offended as easily as I did at first.

The talk went on for an hour until the class ended. During that hour, I answered some more questions that were very easy to misunderstand if I weren't in the right mindset. However, by the end of the class, some students came up to me and thanked me for the talk because according to them I was one of the best alum speakers they've had in a while. They said I was very informative and it made them less nervous to go off to college and try new things, etc. It made me feel good that I had made some sort of impact on someone's life.

However, the one thing that I was a bit appalled at was the fact that some of these students have trouble communicating effectively even as seniors in high school. I feel like no one is at fault here, but the education system of California. Some of these students are not adequately prepared for graduation in terms of communication. This is not to say that Ms. Lyon didn't do a good job at teaching her students, I think this is a problem that had grown over time. It's because these students didn't receive quality instructions from the start, and over the years, it just gets worse and worse and they fall behind.

I think communication is such an important aspect in the working/professional world. Imagine the student who asked me about tuition at an interview, answering questions that could possibly land her a well paying job. Without effective communication, she may not be able to land that job, even with a college degree. That is to say she can communicate herself through college. She may struggle to write that midterm paper and explain what DNA polymerase and what a carbocation are even if she knows the material well. This is to say the least, there are so many other potential problems she may run into with the lack of communication skills.

It saddens me to see so many students in this position. Of course there are those who can communicate effectively without any schooling but those who can't, need major help. It was such a big contrast to see how eloquently some of the AP Literature students phrased their questions and then to see a 4P student struggle to form a coherent sentence that conveys exactly what he/she means.

I hope that this is not the future of America. We need to do something about the education system in this country. What worries me even more is that my high school is one of the top ranked schools in the state of California. If students at a top ranked high school struggle to communicate, imagine the lower ranked high schools. I've also heard stories from my friend about his old high school in Central and East LA. It makes me so very sad to see the futures of these students dwarfed by the crappy education system in California.

Is the History Channel that educational?!

2008-03-31T03:02:00.002-04:00

After an amazing 9 days in the beautiful SoCal, I packed my bags and headed for Long Beach Airport to catch the 9:20 PM flight to Boston. I've always hated redeye flights but all of the flights that I've ever been on back and forth between SoCal and Boston have been nothing but redeyes.

As always, when I'm settled in my seat, I'd pull out my obnoxiously bright pink inflatable pillow and blow it up as I amuse myself to no end thinking about the awkward attempt of my neighbor to ignore my puffing red face as I proceed. When the pillow is at its right firmness, I'd set it behind my neck, sit back, and pull out my headphones, plug them in, and proceed to tune to the History Channel on the personal T.V. right in front of me (yay for JetBlue!!).

The flight was roughly 5 hours because the weather was ideal for flying. It was somewhat quick and painless. I kept myself entertained throughout the flight watching the History Channel and musing at how educational it really is.

Here's my take on the History Channel. I think that it is somewhat informational but it is very biased in the way it presents its information. I also think that sometimes the programs they air are jokes when it comes to the credibility of the information they provide. I've always thought this but it never was a big deal for me until I watched this program on the plane. It was a special on Nostradamus, the famous French prophet whose predictions have supposedly came true throughout history. The program claimed that he had predicted the death of Mary Antoinette and the rise of Hitler. They focused the program on a newly discovered book of water color illustrations with Nostradamus' name on it in a library in Rome.

The book had pictures varying from a burning tower to illustrations of popes fighting bears and prophets bearing the wheel of time. Throughout the program, many "experts" were interviewed and were asked to offer their analysis of these illustrations. These "experts" varied from authors of books to the head of the Nostradamus advocacy society to librarians. To be honest, I didn't think that many of the "experts" they interviewed were very credible. There were no historians involved in the program, which I think is ironic since the channel is called the History Channel.

The program work the viewers up to the climax when it shows the pages of the illustration book that supposedly predict the apocalypse. The lengthy program finally came to the conclusion that according to the illustrations, the apocalypse will happen in 2012 and it will be caused by the alignment of the nebulas that only happen once every 13 billion years, and it is due to happen in the coming year of 2012. They backed this up by saying that the Aztecs had also predicted the same year. But wait, here's the rub, the program ended on the note that no one could prove that the illustrations were made by Nostradamus and the handwriting in the book was not that of Nostradamus nor that of his son Cesar.

I wasn't quite angry by the end of the program but I was actually really amused at how the program was such a joke. They make the whole thing seem so legit by airing it on the History Channel and starting out with historical details about the real man Nostradamus and then ending on such a crappy note. I've also noticed the same gross pattern taking place on the Discovery Channel and the National Geographic Channel too.

It makes me somewhat disenchanted and sad that today's media airs such crap even on supposedly education channels. I rarely ever watch T.V. and when I do, I like to watch things that I can walk away from with more knowledge or more aware of my past/surrounding but now everything just lacks credibility and everything is made for the purpose of propaganda and/or purely entertainment purposes. I hate how all the media cares about nowadays is viewer's rating and not content. They show whatever gets them the most views and the most interest. The more scandalous, the more "intriguing," the more viewers they get. That's my two cents on this subject. I have a couple more cents to spare, but I should get some sleep. Maybe I'll rant about it some more another day.

Reflection, Part II

2008-03-28T14:46:00.002-04:00

Ok, so I promised that I would comment on the note that I found on my facebook. It has been a little more than a year since I wrote that note. I don't quite remember why I sounded so bitter and angry in that note but I guess as the title suggests, it was that time of the month.

I've changed quite a bit over the last year as I transitioned from being my high school self to being a college girl. Although I still feel pretty much the same about my complaints about having to fit into a set of standards that society has pre-defined for girls. While I don't mind looking feminine anymore, I still do mind it when people get on my case about it.

I am now a lot more feminine than I ever was in terms of the way I dress but I am still pretty much the same person deep down inside. I still enjoy my tan lines and I would still love to continue with Taekwondo. I don't mind molding myself a bit to fit into society's standards of beauty because I feel that it is somewhat essential nowadays to actually look "normal," but I am unwilling to change who I am as a person in order for people to like me (especially guys).

I remember when I was growing up, my grandfather (yes, grandfather) always says that a girl must at least care about her appearance and should make herself pretty so that guys will be attracted to her. I always figured that he was just old school in the sense that he thinks all guys judge you based on looks rather than personality. I would have arguments with him about this, but now that I am older, I find that there are grains of truth in what my grandfather used to say to me.

As much as I hate competing with very attractive girls for the more desirable guys out there, I have to admit that looks do matter. I used to believe that a guy should be able to love me with or without the pretty clothes and makeup, but I was wrong. Many guys in this day and age will be embarrassed if his girlfriend isn't all dolled up when they're out together. I guess I can somewhat understand where he's coming from, he just wants to be proud of his girlfriend, someone that is both pretty and smart, but I find it very shallow. He should be proud of his girlfriend no matter what she looks like because she is his girlfriend. If he wants to change her in order to make her into a trophy girlfriend that he could show everyone, then maybe it's not the best relationship.

I don't want to sound all feministic because I am not a feminist. I am not the kind of girl that doesn't shower in days and expect my boyfriend to still be ok with it. All I am saying is that the make up and the clothes don't make a girl any better than she was before. I know it is cliched but beauty really is skin deep. You may have a pretty girlfriend, but aren't you with her because you enjoy her company? Let's hope you are because it would be pretty stupid if you were with her only to stare at her pretty face every time you're together. Because if you want to stare at a pretty face and nothing more, then don't bother getting girlfriend, it's so much easier to just buy a magazine and stare at the models instead. It'll save her the heartache when you dump her for someone prettier.

I have so much more to say when it comes to the subject of beauty and the barbie doll image. I know that I've rambled on in this blog instead of reflecting but it is something I strongly believe is degrading women. Once again, it's not that I'm a feminist, because it is happening to men everywhere too. The whole Ken doll image is being demanded from the male side. Women nowadays not only seek intelligence but also the handsome face and the washboard abs. It is stupid, in my opinion, to be so shallow. I understand a certain level of shallowness because everyone wants someone who is at least not ugly but it is impossible for every guy to have a handsome face and washboard abs, cut them some slack! Same goes for the females, not all girls can be 5'10, with long sleeky legs, bright beautiful eyes and the killer smile.

Reflection, Part I

2008-03-23T05:01:00.002-04:00

I was looking through my notes on Facebook, and this is what I found:

its that time of the month

9:22pm Wednesday, Jan 31, 2007 |

my gosh...i hate it. why must i be a girl? i could care less about my appearance, i hate having to live up to the barbie doll image, i hate playing with dolls in the first place, i hate having to dress up in dresses and skirts for formal events, i hate wearing 4 inch heels, i hate being small and fragile, i hate fitting into the stereotype of being emotional, i hate wearing tight jeans and shirts, i hate not being able to wear guy clothes without having someone tell me i'd look better in girl clothes ( I DONT CARE IF I LOOK BETTER IN GIRL CLOTHES!), i hate having people tell me i should pluck my eyebrows because they think it'll make me pretty, i hate having people tell me what colors look good with my skin tone, i hate having people tell me my swim tan lines are bad and that i have glasses tan or goggle tans and it makes me look 'ugly' (I LIKE MY TAN LINES!), i hate having people ask me if i could carry my 4 AP books on my own, i hate having people ask me if im ok after i've hurt myself (i'll tell u if im not ok!), i hate having my dad tell me that i cant do something because im a girl (soccer and taekwondo for instance), and most of all i hate having a period every month. gosh, why couldnt i have been born a guy? it would have been so much easier for me my whole life. all i needed was a penis to make me complete. i think im as much of a guy as any guy. i'd just like to be a guy, and no, im not a dyke. ppl ask me why i want to take taekwondo when it makes me look manly and it scares guys away. why? because i want to! and i dont give a crap if it scares guys away. im glad i got to do it. im just sad that i couldnt continue it. i like to be independent. im not ur typical girl. i dont fuss over a broken nail or split ends. i fuss over my future, my education, and what matters most, the innerself, rather than what is on the outside. beauty is skin deep. so if ur reading this and feeling really uncomfortable because u've told me one of those things before, then take ur words back and shove it up ur ass 'cause i dont need any of it.

I'll comment on this later. It's late, so I'm going to get some shuteye.

In Response to "Confidantitis"*

2008-03-20T20:39:00.005-04:00

So Sean recently wrote an entry about "Confidantitis." He claims that women suffering from this disease will turn down men of great qualities. In response to this I will be telling my end of the story.

In all fairness, "Confidantitis"* not only happens in women, but it also happens in men. I have seen many beautiful and intelligent women getting rejected. Some of them are those that I hold dear to my heart. One of my friends attends one of the the best universities in the nation and she has both a sense of humor and an incredible self-motivation, yet she is still single. Before you start to think that there is something wrong with her physically and mentally, let me assure you, she is not ugly (in fact I believe that she is quite good-looking) and she is totally sane. She has so many other great qualities, yet the men that she has ever been friends with have remained her friends and nothing more.

I myself, is a victim of this. Come on now, why is a girl like me still single? This may sound arrogant, but I do have a great sense of humor (or so I have been told), I am self-driven, intelligent (I go to MIT for God's sake!!), and I honestly don't think that I'm ugly (I may not be a model, but I'm worthy to be looked at). I am a simple and independent person and I'm proud of that fact. I have a girly side that is feminine but I rough it through situations that require endurance and strength (physically and emotionally) when needed. I haven't really been looking for a companion for a while because I've had too many other things to deal with, but I have been rejected and I have had my heart-broken many times over my short 19 years of being alive.

Why does this happen?

I guess it happens for the same reason that it happens to men: "Confidantitis."*

So as we can see, it happens in both gender and I believe that as long as we are conscious of this fact, then there is progress to be made. I feel that the women who are rejected by the men suffering from "Confidantitis"* should find the men who are rejected by the women suffering from this disease. Then voila! We have a match =]

*Confidantitis has been trademarked and coined by Sean

Po-ta-to

2008-03-18T00:32:00.004-04:00

So if you're not in my close group of friends you will not understand why I typed the word potato using hyphens. I will not bother to explain, but if you pronounce it and you get where it came from then props to you. You are probably as nerdy as I am (I don't know whether that is a bad or a good thing, but let's say that it's a good thing).

Anyway, so I just got back from Senior Haus, where I had spent the past 3 hours working with Fred and Milena on our 8.02 (physics) problem set. As I pulled down the shade, I noticed that there were four potatoes lying on my window sill. I totally forgot that they were ever there.

Potatoes on the window sill. Sounds a little random doesn't it? Yeah, so apparently I've had these potatoes since who knows when. They look so old and dried out and they have ugly green roots sprouting from them. My question is, how did I ever have these and not know that they were there?! I'm really confused.

I'm either stupid for not remembering when and how I obtained these potatoes or someone must have placed them there. If you have any information on the mysterious appearance of the sprouting potatoes, please let me know. It's going to drive me nuts!

Men vs. Guys vs. Boys

2008-03-15T20:38:00.002-04:00

I remember having an argument with my friends about this. It all started because Milena claimed that our guy friends weren't "Guy" guys, they were just "guys." This really confused us because what's the difference between a "Guy" guy and just a guy? She proceeded to explain that a "Guy" guy is someone she would date, someone with class, style, and other requirements, and a guy is just a guy that she hangs out with.

This conversation then sparked a long discussion on what makes a person of the male gender a man, a guy, or a boy.

I will be presenting my take on this on subject. By no means am I claiming that my opinions are truths so your opinion may differ from mine. Anyway, let's get on with this.

Men: Males with stable financial means, who work in the professional world, who have class and know how to treat a woman right. A man would know how to dress for a fancy dinner or just a casual date. He will know when to clap during a classical music recital and which fork to use for his salad at the dinner table. This by no means imply that he has to be all class and no fun. Men can have fun, but not in a less than classy way (no bar-hopping or get high at a party). A man just needs to have class, I guess that's the defining line between a man and a guy. No matter what they do, they do it with class.

Guys: Less classy and less professional than men. They are generally fun to be around. Guys tend to be a little on the immature side but know when to stop. Because they are still a bit less professional than men, they still do things such as bar-hopping and getting high at parties. They tend to enjoy things like video games and blatantly checking out girls at parties. Most of their stupidity is funny and can generally be put up with. They can be sweet and gentlemanly when needed but not all the time.

Boys: Generally just passed puberty. Some of their voices still crack at times. They try very hard to fit in with the crowd because they feel the need to belong. This is usually a phase that they go through, but some of them stay in this phase forever. A boy will brag about how he was so stoned last night and how he got laid by that sleazy chick down the street. In general, boys are much more immature than guys because they try to act "cool" most of the time.

These categories by no means imply age range. A man can be as young as 16 or 18 and a boy can be as old as 24 or 26. People mature at different rates.

I'm at the point where I would love to date a "guy" but a guy that's transitioning into a man. I love classy =]

All-nighters and Frustration

2008-03-13T03:18:00.002-04:00

OH MY GOD!! I feel like screaming on the top of my lungs right now. I know that I've been bitching out my stress non-stop but this is really frustrating. It's not that I'm not willing to work, but it's just that the work is moving so slowly I want to rip my hair out. My 6-7 page paper that's due later today is no where near finished. I've had two papers this week!! What the hell! I planned on pulling an all-nighter tonight so I can finish the paper and at least get started on one of the problem sets that are due on Friday, but the paper is not going anywhere. Part of the problem is that the assignment is so vague I have no idea what to write and the other part of the problem is I have writer's block. I harder I try, the harder it is for me think.

I am so sleepy, a cup of coffee would be really great right about now.

Having Game

2008-03-13T00:08:00.004-04:00

So a few days ago, my friend Milena and I were talking about how our love lives are non-existent ever since we got to MIT. Apparently she's gotten her game back.

I'm just laughing at the prospect of me having "game." I never saw myself as someone with what she would call "game" because I'm not the type that flirts and makes the first move. It's funny because Milena always tries to get me to get out of my comfort zone and meet new people ever since I broke up with Bob, but I've been really hesitant about the whole thing. Me flirting? That's crazy talk!!

Game? I don't think so. But I smell sexy, does that count?

Count Down

2008-03-12T22:11:00.004-04:00

I thought that the hosing would be done by the end of last week but I was wrong. I am still hosed. MIT sucks the soul out of me, seriously. Maybe I'm not managing my time well, but I feel like there isn't enough hours in one day for me to go to classes, eat, shower, do my work, AND relax.

Everything feels so rushed everyday. I rush from my bio lecture to lunch, grab my half-eaten lunch and rush to math lecture, then power walk to bio recitation, and literally run to my zen arts seminar, and finally rush to the locker room to change for yoga. After yoga, I'd get dinner quickly and then rush to Senior Haus to do work with Fred and Milena. My day consists of rushing, power walking, and running. Fun stuff.

Even when I take time off from studying and try to unwind, I still feel uncomfortable knowing that I have problem sets waiting for me when I get back. Like last weekend, I spent my Saturday with Milena just wandering around the Prudential and getting lunch, but the whole time, we were both stressing out over our psets and tests. When I was supposed to be unwinding at the party that night, I was still thinking of my psets. It's like a ghost that follows you and slowly sucks your soul away.

Don't get me wrong, I love MIT, it's just that everyone goes through a period of stress like I am right now at least once a semester if not more. I have to admit that we work hard, but we also play hard, so I'm not too afraid of being socially retarded by the time I graduate.

Anyway, due to the stressful amount of work, I've been using spring break as a motivation to get me through my days. I have a countdown on my Mac dashboard, and the clock says 8 days 6 hours 36 mins as of right now. I cannot wait! How wonderful it would be to just roll down the windows of my car, blast some Red Hot Chili Peppers and speed down Pacific Coast Highway. I love the smell of the beach and I love to feel the wind in my hair as I just lose myself in the moment. Talking about it makes me want to cry right now. I desperately want to get the one and a half week out of the way quickly so I can finally feel the warm sand underneath my feet, and hear the waves crashing against the shore, not to mention my mom's cooking and my dad's guitar playing skills =]. I miss CA so much.

Article II seeking ratification

2008-03-09T22:15:00.007-04:00

as per ASA guidelines (http://web.mit.edu/asa/start/sample-constitution.html) the following organization would like to be considered for membership

The Constitution of People's Republik of 41W
Article I: Purpose
The purpose of the People's Republik of 41W.

Article II: Membership
1.. Any member of the MIT community is eligible to become inebriated as a member of this Republik. One is considered a member of this Republik in any given altered state if he/she/it has attended at least one meeting happening on March 8 at party hour(s) with no greater than two articles of clothes.
2.. The Republik's membership will at all times consist of at least 41W students and be no more than 82W articles of clothes.
3.. This Republik will not discriminate based on any characteristic listed in MIT's Nondiscrimination Statement, which does not state in any part number of clothes per person per March 8 per hour of party.
4.. If this Republik charges any monetary dues, there will be consequences made for students who cannot afford these dues consisting of removal of clothing.
Article III: Officers
1.. This Republik will have 41W officers:
1.. President
1.. The president shall be the official representative of the Republik to any other organization and to MIT.
2.. The president will preside over all meetings.
3.. The president is responsible for determining when meetings are and publicizing this to the Republik.
2.. Treasurer
1.. The treasurer shall be responsible for the finances of the Republik.
2.. The treasurer is required to sign all checks/vouchers of the Republik.
2.. All officers of this Republik must be distinct persons and MIT affiliates including cats and turtles.
3.. Elections:
1.. Elections of officers shall occur.
2.. Any member of this Republik is eligible to run for office.
3.. Quorum for elections is 3/5 of the group.
4.. Any member is elected if he or she wins a majority of the voting members.
5.. If more than two people are running and no one wins a majority, then the person with the fewest votes is dropped from the ballot and votes are recast.
6.. The term of office runs from March 8 till until March 9.
4.. Removal: Officers may be removed by a vote of the members.
Article IV: Meetings
1.. Meetings shall be held at least every semester.
2.. Meetings shall be presided over by the president, unless he/she is absent, and in that case the cats shall reign.
3.. All decisions shall be made by a majority vote of all members presently intoxicated.
4.. Quorum for a meeting shall be 3/5 of the members of the Republik.
Article V: Amendments
1.. Amendments shall be presented by any member of the Republik.
2.. Amendments shall be passed by a vote of the members present.
3.. Quorum for amending this constitution shall be 3/5 of all members of the Republik.
Article VI: ASA Governance Clause
The People's Republik of 41W does not agree to abide by the rules and regulations of the Association of Student Activities, and its executive board. This constitution, amendments to it, and the by-laws of this Republik shall be subject to review by the ASA Executive Board to insure that they are not in accordance with the aforementioned rules and drools

Signed by the 41W states of the People's Republik:
Matt Ince- Alabama
Leecha DeFrancesco- Alaska
Miranda Amarante- Arizona
Mejan Kercher- Arkansas
Dien Le- California
Rob - Colorado
Clod- Connecticut
Lucy Wang- Delaware
Romance Teil- Florida
Nipple K- Georgia
Matea Marsic- Hawaii
Seohyung Kim- Idaho (yeah she is)
Tracy Chang- Illinois
Sebastian Sovero- Indiana
Rurik -Iowa
Kemi Azeez - Kansas
Rian Hunter- Kentucky
Paco - Louisiana
Anthony Rindone - Maine
Dugan Hayes- Maryland
Helene- Massachusetts
Kate Hoff- Michigan
Marti Bolivar- Minnesota
Anna Schlesss- Mississippi
AJ Meyer Weiner- Missouri
Anh- Montana
Alessandro Chiesa- Nebraska
Dennis Fantone- Nevada
Josh Bails- New Hampshire
Tiff Chu- New Jersey
Matt Robertson- New Mexico
Cindy- New York
Kathy B- North Carolina
Stanley- Ohio
Melinda Dooley- Texas
Jenn D'Ascoli- Oregon
Arya Azma- Oklahoma
Moto Face- Pennsylvania
Homer- Rhode Island
Smokey- South Carolina

This was an email sent out by my hall as a party invitation with the title "Article II seeking ratification." Our hall is the fourth floor of the west parallel of East Campus, hence the 41W (it is 41W instead of 4W because we are known as "the highest place on campus." I will explain that later, or you may make your own inferences as to why that is). We had a party according to Article II of the constitution: members must wear no more than 2 articles of clothing when attending this particular party on March 8.

It was a very interesting party because many people showed up in very creative outfits. Some went naked with sandals on while others came in speedos and a ties, etc. There was plenty of penises, boobs, muffin tops, tight abs, jiggly/tight butts, and not to mention random hot guys from other schools who attended the party in their boxers.

I had a great time. I will not mention any substances I may have abused that night because I do not want to incriminate myself. I attended the party in an oversized t-shirt and some lacy underwear (it was something that looked more like boy briefs than girl underwear, so it gave me full coverage).

My friends Milena and Fred came from Senior Haus to ratify our Article II as well. While on the dance floor, Milena spilled her "non-alcoholic" drink on me, so I had to go change. Unfortunately I hadn't done laundry in 4 weeks so the only things I had left to wear was a tank top. So I came back to the dance floor feeling skanky in my tank top and exposed underwear. It was all good and fun though. We danced the night away until something distracted me and I left the dance floor. That night I was up until 6:30 AM talking and hanging out with someone. It was a good night but I was so tired by the time I was finally in bed.

Great way to unwind.

Busy Busy Busy

2008-03-06T13:03:00.003-05:00

Last week and this week have been crazy. I haven't had a moment where I could sit down and take a deep breath. Due to the crazy stuff that's been going on, I haven't written a real blog in a while. I promise that when this week is over, I'll write something that has a little more substance to it. I've already started on a blog about my conference in New York so I'll finish that one soon (soon! I say!).

In other news, I am excited for this weekend to come because it marks the end of two crazy weeks and there's a party on my hall =] Article 2 baby! (meaning you can only wear two articles of clothing to the party) You can be lame and wear a shirt and pants or you can be a little creative with what you wear, two socks, one on each foot or one where it counts and the other on on your head? I don't know...but it should be fun.

7.013 test

2008-03-05T03:46:00.002-05:00

I'm getting out the anal lube, getting ready to bend over and grab my ankles because this test will rape me with no mercy. It'll be a miracle if I score a B on this test.

I hate bio with a passion! Fuck polymerases, codons, amino acids, ribosomes, and everything else in between!

Sharing

2008-03-05T01:35:00.001-05:00

I just felt like sharing one of my favorite poems of all time. This poem is called "Anyone lived in a pretty how town" by E.E. Cummings. Enjoy =]

anyone lived in a pretty how town
by E. E. Cummings

anyone lived in a pretty how town (with up so floating many bells down) spring summer autumn winter he sang his didn't he danced his did Women and men(both little and small) cared for anyone not at all they sowed their isn't they reaped their same sun moon stars rain children guessed(but only a few and down they forgot as up they grew autumn winter spring summer) that noone loved him more by more when by now and tree by leaf she laughed his joy she cried his grief bird by snow and stir by still anyone's any was all to her someones married their everyones laughed their cryings and did their dance (sleep wake hope and then)they said their nevers they slept their dream stars rain sun moon (and only the snow can begin to explain how children are apt to forget to remember with up so floating many bells down) one day anyone died i guess (and noone stooped to kiss his face) busy folk buried them side by side little by little and was by was all by all and deep by deep and more by more they dream their sleep noone and anyone earth by april wish by spirit and if by yes. Women and men(both dong and ding) summer autumn winter spring reaped their sowing and went their came sun moon stars rain

Stress

2008-03-02T22:57:00.002-05:00

So I attended the "Wellness Panel" today at the Jackie Robinson conference. They talked about stress and all kinds of stuff that may cause mental health problems for college students. While the panel discussion was somewhat helpful to some people, it had the opposite effect on me. I was reminded of all the problems that I have and it makes me really stressed. I haven't been able to do much work the past couple days because there are workshops and panels that I'm required to attend everyday. My day ends really late and starts really early so I have been tired everyday.

I've been stressing out like crazy because my biology test is the day after I get back from the conference. I feel so behind in that class because I don't understand the material no matter how hard I try. I've also missed a couple lectures due to the conference and I have to catch up on those lectures before I can actually start studying for the test. Aside from the bio test, I have so much other stuff to do like my 18.03 pset and my 8.02 pset (due the same day as the bio test which is Wednesday) and 8.02 test on Thursday. I still have to watch the two movies for my HASS class and write a paper on them.

Let's hope I survive this week.

NYC, once again

2008-02-28T14:07:00.005-05:00

So this weekend is the Jackie Robinson Foundation Networking Weekend. It's held in NYC every year during the first weekend of March. It is required that all Jackie Robinson Scholars attend this 4-day long conference. We get to meet alumni and sponsors in a variety of setting such as workshops, seminars, luncheons, dances, etc. It is a chance for scholars to connect with alumni and sponsors, to get advice, gain networking experience and possibly find internships/fellowships for the summer or school year. This year it is held at the Crowne Plaza Hotel in Time Square from Friday to Monday.

In preparation for this weekend, I had to rush around and get an overwhelming amount of work done in order to leave without affecting my schoolwork. My plane ticket is booked for Friday morning which means I have to miss that day of class plus Monday and most of Tuesday (because I won't get back until Tuesday afternoon).

What made it even more stressful was the required attires for the weekend. As scholars we are suppose to present ourselves in such a way that would reflect the professional and intellectual aspects of ourselves and of the Jackie Robinson Foundation. Being the cheap and low maintenance person that I've always been, I did not have any of the required attires (casual business, business, and formal affair gown). So last Sunday Milena and I took a trip to Newbury Street in search for these outfits. I was willing to spend a little more than usual this time because I knew that these outfits are essential for business and interviews. However, it was very frustrating for both Milena and myself because we could not find anything that would fit me and look decent. We tried so many stores and so many different gowns/outfits but we could only find a mediocre looking gown from BCBG that was 50% off (thank goodness because I would have had to pay $340 if it weren't on sale). We finally had to settle for some ordinary-looking sweaters/cardigans from Gap for my casual business look. I am still in need of appropriate dress shoes and a business attire. So today I will make another trip to the mall and see what I can find at the last minute. If things don't work out, hopefully I will have time before the conference actually starts to make my way to the huge Macy's in New York because I think it's big enough that I'll be able to find at least something decent there.

Another reason why this weekend is creating so much stress is the fact that I have two tests the day after I get back. I have a to-do list while I'm away in NY. It looks a little something like this:

- catch up on bio lectures (4 hrs of lectures+notes)
- study for bio test
- study for for physics test
- "Mastering Physics" problems on sunday
- physics pset
- bio pset
- math pset
- Watch movies for HASS (Eternal Sunshine+Memento)
- HASS paper

Just a little stressful, but I'll survive I guess.

Freshman 15

2008-02-23T15:09:00.002-05:00

Maybe I spoke too soon about not gaining my freshman 15. I went to the doctor's yesterday for a check up and apparently I had gained 5 pounds since the end of December. I don't think gaining another 5 pounds would be much hurt considering I am freaking tiny. So maybe by the end of my freshman year, I'll be 15 pounds heavier than when I started college (I really don't know whether that is a good or a bad thing).

Exercise

2008-02-20T23:43:00.002-05:00

I am officially amazed at how out of shape I am. I used to be so active during high school with marching band and swimming but now the most exercise I ever do is walking to classes and climbing the 3 flights of stairs to my room everyday.

I am ashamed to say that I'm actually sore from yoga. Because of MIT's twisted schedule (Monday's schedule on a Tuesday), I had yoga two days in a row, yesterday and today. While it was relaxing and somewhat meditative, my arms and legs are sore. It's not a bad kind of sore, but it's sore like my muscles would twitch if I were to do something that requires strength (like opening my f*cking window). My shoulders feel somewhat tense, and I crave a shoulder rub more than ever right now. It makes me miss the days when I could swim for two hours straight without being sore afterwards. I guess that's what happens when you go to college, you stop exercising and become extremely out of shape if you're not careful (although I still haven't gained my freshman 15 yet).

Well, in a sort of self-defense, I have to say that yoga is a lot harder than it looks. There is quite a bit of balance and strength involved. Every movement is slow and precise, designed to stretch and work the muscles efficiently. I guess that's why I'm a lot more sore than I expected to be when I signed up for the class.

Anyway, hopefully yoga will force me to stay at least somewhat active. I don't want to lose all of my already non-apparent athletic abilities.

Sunshine and a whole bunch of hot surfer guys

2008-02-19T00:06:00.004-05:00

That's pretty much what I'm looking forward to now: sunshine and a whole bunch of hot surfer guys. I'm going home for spring break! Whoohoo!! Yeah, so my original plan was to go to Barcelona with Milena, but the plans didn't go through so we agreed to go to Mexico City instead. That didn't go through either, so we decided to go to Puerto Rico and stay at Milena's home. When I told my mom of this, she said to me "Why? Why you no go home? Ayaaa, you say it no exciting? Fine, I pay for ticket. You want go home now?" So I thought about it for a moment, and what do you know? I said yes. I mean think about it, even though the beaches are not nearly as beautiful as the ones in PR I'm still going to get the same sunshine and beachy vibes in CA so I might as well go home because my mommy is paying for my ticket. So there you have it folks. I'm going back home to THE OC for spring break! Yay!

St. Valentine

2008-02-13T23:49:00.003-05:00

In honor of a compassionate man, we celebrate the day of love. What was started with good intentions have turned into something very commercialized (like every other holiday of the year). Nowadays it's all about the roses, the chocolate, the jewelry and gifts that guys are expected to give their significant other. It makes me sad to see such a beautiful thing being turned into another commercialized holiday.

So this year I'm single on Valentine's day. I guess this is where it all lies. I was taken for the past 3 years and I always had someone to tell me the three over used words "I love you" even if I didn't get anything. However, I'm not too concerned about being single on Valentine's day this year because my super friend Milena had made reservations at a very nice seafood restaurant for the two of us tomorrow night. We're going to celebrate what I like to call "single-awareness-day."

One thing that's not good about this is I have a ton of homework. My problem sets are piling up. I managed to finish as much as I could so I wont have to worry about it while I'm out. Although I've been trying really hard, I still have on unfinished problem set. It's my 7.013 aka Biology. I hate it with a passion. I also need to go get a nice dress for my little date with Milena. So I have to go to the crappy mall called the Galleria tomorrow by myself after classes to get my dress. I am such a procrastinator. I should have gotten the dress last week. lol.

Snowflakes

2008-02-09T15:00:00.003-05:00

It's a Saturday afternoon and I'm sitting in my room with a hot cup of tea listening to Coltrane's "Blue Train" album while reading my 8.02 course notes. As I looked up from the screen and out my window, I saw tiny white flakes falling from the sky. I know that I've already written a blog about the novelty of the New England winter, however, I can't help but feel the need to write another one.

Seeing the impeccable white flakes falling straight from the sky and lingering in the wind before hitting the ground just gives me an indescribable feeling. It's a combination of nostalgia and happiness. For some reason, it feels almost bittersweet.

I've always had this novel image of what a wintery day would be like. When I was younger, I imagined that on snowy days I'd be able to sit in front of a fireplace with a cup of hot chocolate listening to the radio while my dad reads the newspaper and my mom reads a book. Sounds almost like a movie right? Maybe that's where I got it from. As I grew older, I imagined my snowy day a little different. I saw myself wrapped in a blanket in my cozy bed with a good book and maybe a cup of tea (yes, tea, I love tea!!). Then as I grew even older and had a relationship with Bob, my image of a winter day changed a little more. In my fantasy, the snow would be falling and falling, the wind would be howling outside my window, Bob and I would be snuggling up in our warm bed, sharing a cup of tea (yes, tea again) while watching our favorite movie together.

So none of this happened. It's all been too novel to be real. I think the nostalgia just stems from the fact that I've always had these movie-perfect images in my head that they almost feel real, almost like they did happen.

Despite the nostalgic feeling, I also find simple happiness in these tiny flakes. They intrigue me and remind me of a naive mind that used to imagine fantastic images that could never happen like the ones above. I no longer have the ability to do so because I've matured and became somewhat bitter at the world (I am cynical but by no means an uncontrollable pessimist). The snow just reminds me of a better time, before I had found my cynicism.

It's amazing how something as simple as watching the snow fall could trigger so many emotions in me that I cannot separate them from one another. There is happiness in the nostalgia but there is also that bitter feeling within the happiness, but within the bitter feelings, there is that sweetness of the young mind and novel images. It all coalesce together into a fusion of imaginary and reality that pertains to the quality of memory.

FIRE!!!

2008-02-06T20:52:00.000-05:00

Ok, so it wasn't quite a fire. Here's what happened. So I went to sleep early the night of February 4th in order to feel refreshed the next morning for the first day of classes. I was fast asleep until about 12:35 AM. I was woken up by a really bright light that was flashing at a speed that could cause seizure and an extremely loud buzzing/beeping sound. What the heck?! When this happened, I opened my eyes sleepily still unaware of what was going on, sat up in bed, rubbed my eyes, and realized "Oh shit! The fire alarm!"

I got up quickly, grabbed my cellphone, keys, and wallet, slipped my sandals on and opened the door. This is when I realized that I had been sleeping in my underwear! Oh crap! So I grabbed my bathrobe, threw it over myself, and ran down the three flights of stairs. When I was finally outside, I realized why I hadn't been able to see clearly the whole time, I had forgotten to put on my glasses! Wow, what a great start to a new term.

As I stood in the cold with the denizens of the west parallel of East Campus, I lamented my decision to pick East Campus as my dorm (even though deep down inside I know that I love the f*cking place and I wouldn't trade it for anywhere else on campus). While trying to keep myself warm with my fuzzy robe, I overheard someone saying that we (as in East Campus) have one of highest number of fire alarms per year on campus. Not only that but we also have the highest number of real fires and false alarms. I guess we just hold the record for everything that has to do with fire. Which I was not surprised to hear considering that many people here are pyros (including myself). I thought it was sort of amusing but not when I was trying to sleep before my first day of classes.

About half an hour later, the building was cleared and everyone could go back to their rooms. I never found out whether or not it was a false alarm. However, at that point I was too tired and ticked off to even care. I just went back to sleep.

So that was how I started my spring term, with a midnight fire alarm. Awesome, I guess. My first day was pretty interesting. I had my humanities class at 11:00 AM that day. It turned out to be a really fun and interesting class. I am actually really excited to see what the professor has in store for us. The class is called Writing and Experience. It's focused on memories. In the course of the class, we get to write memoirs and other open-ended essays of the sort in different styles, exploring different aspects of our memories. Sounds fun right?

After humanities, I headed for lunch with a friend. After lunch, I went to my 18.03 (Differential Equations) recitation. The TA seems like a pretty cool guy. He had a couple tattoos and some piercings, pretty rad guy =]. We went over simple separation of variables and we solved some simple models that involved professors shooting the deer population in Vermont. Fun stuff!

My last class of the day was physics. So in an earlier entry, I mentioned that I was taking 8.022, but I had decided to drop one of the twos and just take 8.02. The special thing about 8.02 is that it is TEAL. No, not the color teal, but TEAL (Technology-Enhanced Active Learning). It's basically physics in a room full of computers and cameras and awesome technology. The students sit in groups with computers in front of them and the professor walks around the class, teaches using powerpoint with ten gazillion screens around the room and some cool cameras that project the professor's image onto the screen whenever he chooses to. It's pretty awesome. The only uncool thing about this is that the class is overflowed! Because I had decided to add the class at the last minute, I wasn't assigned to a section. So I had to pick one and hoped that I could get a spot. So of course I picked one that was taught by Peter Dourmashkin (if you want to read about my admiration for Peter, go here). I was not surprised when I saw that the room was overflowed with people who wanted to bathe in his presence. (Not really, they just wanted to be in his class). So now I am not officially registered for any section in 8.02. Hopefully this will work itself out somehow and hopefully (!!) I get to stay in Peter Dourmashkin's section. He's just too amazing!!

The second day of class, which was today, was not as awesome. I had 7.013 (Biology) in this huge and uncomfortable lecture hall known to the MIT population as 26-100. There were over 600 people! The lecture hall was literally filled up, there were even people standing in the back of the room because there were no more seats. The professor announced that we are the largest registered course in the history of the institute. Pretty impressive eh?

After 7.013, I headed to another stuffy lecture hall for 18.03 lecture. This one was also filled down to every single seat. There wasn't anything too special about the class except for the fact that the professor could have chosen a bigger lecture hall instead of the stuffy 34-101. Although I gotta admit that the seats there were a lot more comfortable than the ones in 26-100.

My last class today wasn't really a class, it was 7.013 recitation. It was suppose to last an hour, but since the professor didn't cover much material during lecture, there wasn't anything to discuss in recitation. So my TA decided to let us leave early, which was totally awesome because I got to go get lunch early =].

So that's basically my recap of the past 2+ days. I'll try to update as often as I can but I can't guarantee anything since I already have 2 psets and an essay to write. Off to bed now! Ta-ta!

A happier note

2008-02-03T11:16:00.001-05:00

Alright, seriously, this will the last post I will make today. I promise. I just looked at the previous entry and I found that I really hated the negative energy presented there (yes, I talk like a hippie with my "negative energy" and other hippie-like junk), so I just wanted to end my blogging spree with something a little more cheerful.

First, let's take a break from blogging and relax with a cool little song (please don't get offended by it, I just find it really amusing).

Ok, so did you watch it all? If you wanna know what some of the words actually mean, you're welcome to refer to my best friend for an answer.

Alright, anyway, now that we're in a lighter mood, let me tell you about my exciting plans for spring break.

So my friend Milena (yes, you will notice that I mention her pretty frequently since we do A LOT of things together, we might as well be attached at the hip) and I are planning on going to Mexico for the week of spring break at the end of March. This is very exciting for me because I have never been to Mexico even though back in California I used to live 2 hours away from the Mexican border.

At first, we actually planned to go to Barcelona, Spain. Unfortunately the plane ticket was a little more than what we were willing to pay since we are poor college students. After looking at all of our options in Europe and in South America (didn't want to go to overrated places like Cancun or the Carribean.), we decided that Mexico was the most affordable one. So we called her papi about the timeshare that he had, asking him if he could get us a hotel in La Ciudad de Mexico =]. Milena and I are both very excited for this trip, although we are still in the process of gathering the necessary $$$ for the trip.

Hopefully we'll be able to make this trip reality. It'll be an interesting experience and a cultural immersion for me because I speak Spanish but I've never been to a Spanish-speaking country. I can't wait to see what comes of it =]. Until then, I will keep updating the status of the trip! Ta-ta

Drama

2008-02-03T10:14:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I find it a bit ridiculous that this is my third blog of the day. Well, there isn't anything bad about it, this just means that I'm making up for the times that I was too lazy to blog. Anyway, this time, my blog will have a negative tone to it. I will not be blogging about MIT or the adventures that I have but this will be more of a personal story than anything else. After all, this is "in the life of Kathy" and not "MIT informational blog."

So to sum it up, you wouldn't want to live a day "in the life of Kathy." At least not in the past 6 months anyway. As the title of the blog says, this will mostly be about the drama that has taken place in my life in the past 6 months. Personally, I hate drama (the bad kind, not the kind you see in theatre). Unfortunately, somehow I find myself in the middle of an almost unending chain of ugly and gross drama ever since I set foot on the MIT campus. Let me start from the beginning.

I shall not name anyone in particular, but let's call this first person Bob for the sake of convenience. Anyway, so Bob and I starting dating waaaaaayyyyy back in high school. We both wanted to go to MIT, so when the time came, he applied and got accepted (he was a year older than me). So he went off to MIT for a whole year leaving me in high school. We kept in contact and made it through our 2 year anniversary being 3000 miles apart. When it was my turn, I applied early action, and also got accepted. We were both stoked because we had been together for 2.5 years by that time and the level of commitment had grown a great deal, so me going off to MIT with him was the greatest thing that could happen to us at the moment. However, to my dismay, when I arrived on campus in June, 2007 for a summer program called Project Interphase, Bob and I could no longer hold a conversation without arguing with each other. Due to many reasons that I shall not name here, our relationship no longer worked. As much as I wanted to salvage what was left of our 3 years of being together (yes, by that time it was 3 years), he had given up on it. This was devastating for me. So I started my first term at MIT with a broken heart and some pretty ugly drama because Bob had decided to see someone else a week after we broke up.

It was a rough start for me. Adjusting to being alone 3000 miles from home without anyone to lean on and seeing my 3-year-boyfriend kissing another girl that he just met was not my cup of tea (ironic isn't? since I love tea). Anyway, so someone came along and saved me from my woes. Let's call this second person Bob#2. Ok, so Bob#2 was extremely nice to me and we both developed a liking for each other. This took my mind off of Bob and started to focus a little more on school since Bob#2 was/is extremely smart and helpful. He held my hand through half of my classes, until things went awry. So once again, for a variety of reasons that I shall not name here, Bob#2 and I mutually agreed to just be friends after dating each other for 2.5 months (see the 2.5 pattern here?). Because Bob#2 and I were good friends before we started dating, we remained good friends after the breakup. However, there is still drama to come. I was not happy with the result of my split with Bob#2 because he had also decided to replace me as with the original Bob. Even though we were good friends after the breakup, he now has managed to find another person to replace my position as his good friend. This person does not only take my place as his good friend, but also as his almost-girlfriend-but-not-really-because-
if-they-go-official-it-will-be-awkward-around-kathy sorta friend because I knew her and we were on good terms before Bob#2 even knew her (he only got to know her in the past month because they had some programming classes together).

Bob#2 tried to hide this from me, but seriously, how could I not notice when he's been to the movies "alone" more than 4 times while I had nothing to do those nights. He used to call me for everything (even before we started dating) but all of a sudden he goes to the movies "alone?" I don't think so! What makes me even angrier was when he decided to take back a book that he let me borrow (I was in the process of reading it) just so he could give it to her thinking that I wouldn't notice. Seriously, I wouldn't have minded if he had told me straight out, I just don't appreciate being lied to. Ok, so there's more drama right there. I just hate how ugly this all seems. I also hate how I can't help but get upset about these kinds of things.

So I guess my first term at MIT was filled with drama and ugly relationship problems. I used to come to my friend Milena and bitch about it to her, but lately, I feel like I have bitched enough about it that I need to shut up. I feel like Bob#2 had tried my patience enough, I no longer need a friend that treats me the way he does. The final straw happened in NYC. I had mentioned in one of my earlier blogs that I had some "minor personal disturbances" with one of the members of the group, that was Bob#2. I no longer could put up with him treating me like I wasn't even his friend. So I've decided that this will be the last of the drama that I will experience this year as I distance myself from Bob#2 like I did with the original Bob. I've had enough drama to last me a while so there will not be a Bob#3 in my life anytime soon. The spring term will be drama free and I will be happy once again.

Seriously, this may sound trivial and pathetic, but it really does drive you to the edge of insanity given the situation and setting that it takes place in. I just want to keep my sanity as long as I possibly can.

P.S. this is actually kinda funny because when I reread this entry, I actually find it amusing the way I told the story. It doesn't quite sound as painful and sad as I had expected. I guess I've learned to see humor where it hurts the most.

A note on IAP

2008-02-03T06:43:00.000-05:00

So I realized that I haven't really talked about my experiences during IAP. For those who don't know what IAP is, the three letters stand for Independent Activities Period. It's basically a whole month where MIT students get to do whatever they want, stay home, travel, or just take classes and seminars that aren't offered during term.

Anyway, my IAP was fun but not as eventful as I had hoped. I originally signed up for 6.096 which is Introduction to C++ and an art class. I also planned on taking one time seminars on different subjects. Unfortunately, the C++ class was overcrowded so they had to implement a lottery for the class. I, with my horrible luck, did not get lotteried into 6.096. I was terribly disappointed because I had been looking forward to that class all of winter break. So I was stuck with only one class that met once a week which was my art class. It wasn't a bad class but it just didn't meet often enough to keep me occupied. As a result of this, I slept in almost everyday and spent a lot of time with my friend Milena going on our random adventures, when none of this was happening, I looked for one time seminars that seemed interesting to me.

My art class was fun because I got to express myself in an artistic way which I haven't done in a while. It was my stress reliever and my creativity outlet. My sketch book is now filled with random artwork that wasn't part of the curriculum because I was inspired by some of the lessons. However, it didn't take up all of my time, so I did some other stuff in between.

I attended a couple community physics lectures which talked about superfluids and dark matter. This was all very intriguing. I also attended a seminar sponsored by the Department of Materials Science and Engineering. This seminar talked about what the DMSE was all about and explained what kind of stuff Mat Sci students get to do and whatnot. It got me so excited about my intended major (in case you guys haven't caught on, I'm considering majoring in Mat Sci aka course 3). It was awesome to see some of the research and work that has already been done or is already in progress in the department.

Towards the end of IAP, I took a Chinese Brush Painting/Calligraphy seminar. This was a very relaxing and enlightening experience. I loved it. The instructor was so gentle and patient. She walked us through the philosophy and history of brush painting and calligraphy. Then we got to experiment and practice the techniques she had taught us with the brushes and ink on authentic rice paper. I ended up keeping some of the work I did that day. In fact I have two of them hanging on my wall at the moment.

On Friday, Feb 1, my friend Milena and I attended the annual Charm School sponsored by MIT. Charm School consists of a variety of seminars presented by volunteers from the faculty and the student body at MIT. These seminars ranged from "How to tie a bowtie" to "Table Manners" to "How to avoid a messy break up." The cool thing about it is these seminars were about 10-30 minutes long each and if you manage to attend 8 of them then you can earn a Bachelor's Degree in Charm, the more seminars you attend, the more honors you receive. One can even obtain a Ch.D (a play off of Ph.D) aka Charm Doctorate. My friend and I attended a little more than 8 seminars but not enough to earn our Master's Degree in Charm so we both graduated from Charm School with a Bachelor's Degree. After the seminars were all over, there was a graduation ceremony that had free food (!!). We, being the poor students that we are, stayed for the food but not long enough for the graduation ceremony to start.

Outside of the cool activities going on on campus, Milena and I also went on our own adventures. We decided to go get delicious bread from this tiny bakery near Boston College early in the morning on a windy and cold day. To our dismay, it was 22 degrees outside as we started walking towards the T station in Kendall. The journey was a long and tedious one, changing from the red line to the green line and then walking a block in the bitter cold with our fingers numb and our ears feeling like they were going to fall off. It took us more than 2 hours to get there and back. The bread was worth it though. I got some French and some rustic Italian bread. She got some of the delicious morning buns and a lot of bread.

On another boring day, Milena and I went to the Prudential Center. She took me to this heavenly tea shop called Teavana. For those who don't know me, I am a huge tea fanatic. It was so heavenly being in a store full of aromatic tea. I found the familar Earl Grey and Jasmine, but some of the stuff had exotic touches to them like the Raspberry Rooibos that I got. It has pieces of raspberries in it. The place as just so amazing. I ended up buying 3 types of tea, the raspberry rooibos (which is a red tea from Africa), dragon and phoenix jasmine pearls (the tea leaves were rolled into little balls like pearls), and peach green tea (which I also believe to have some sort of peach pieces in it). After buying the tea, we went to the Shaw's near the Prudential and we bought some food to cook. We made some delicious mashed potatoes, stuffed cornish hen, with sauteed vegetables and had a nice dinner little dinner.

I must admit that it was nice to have so much free time to do whatever I wanted to do. That is the great thing about MIT, we work hard, but we also play hard.

Let the struggle begin!!

2008-02-03T06:04:00.000-05:00

So IAP is quickly coming to an end and classes are starting on February 5th. Although I am not too happy that term is starting, I am still pretty excited for the classes that I'm taking this term. The list includes 18.03, 8.022, 7.013, 21W.731, SP.262, and possibly a PE class.

Ok, so those numbers seem pretty meaningless unless I explain what they are. Here at MIT, classes (and also buildings) are referred to by numbers for the sake of convenience. Instead of saying "I'm taking differential equations calculus" one can simply say "I'm taking 18.03 (read as eighteen oh three)." Simple and clean. Anyway, so I am taking Differential Equations Calculus, Electricity and Magnetism, Introductory Biology, Writing and Experience (it's a CI-HW, I'll explain it later), and a seminar called Zen Arts.

I am specifically excited for the E&M class because my physics professor is amazing. I took 8.012 (Mechanics aka almost suicidal physics for freshmen) last term with the same professor. He goes by the name of Peter Dourmashkin and he is the most talented, well-rounded man I have ever met in my life. In class, he always explained every concept in his unique ways, making it so easy to understand. The man also has the patience of a god. Sometimes he would explain a certain concept the whole class period only to have someone ask him what it meant all over again right after class. I also enjoy talking to him outside of class because, like i said, he's a very well-rounded man. He's knowledgeable about music (modern and classical), movies, other cultures, sports, and random facts that I never even thought of. This man IS amazing. He's also teaching the Zen Arts seminar that I am taking because he has a very intense interest in Japanese culture. The class will consist of certain customs and arts from Japan, including but not limited to ikebana (flower arrangement), tea ceremonies, kyudo (archery), etc. I cannot express how excited I am for these two classes.

Alright, so I said I'd explain the CI-HW thing. So as entering freshmen, everyone have to take a writing "test" known as the Freshman Essay Evaluation (more commonly known as the FEE). This determines whether or not one will need to take a writing intensive course while he/she is at MIT. The test includes a lot of reading material and a person has to write essays and summaries based on the reading with correct citations and so on. This test takes place in June, July, and during orientation week. The ones in June and July are the longer version of the test because the essays are to be written over one weekend, whereas the one during orientation is supposed to be written on the spot in two hours. A person may take their pick as to when to take the test. Ok, so back to the CI-HW thing. So if a person doesn't pass the FEE or missed all of their opportunities to take the FEE (my case is the latter of the two), when they arrive at MIT, they have to take a writing intensive class by the end of their freshman year. These classes are labeled with CI-HW. The W stands for "writing", and the CI-H stand for "communication intensive humanities". This leads to a whole new topic about HASS classes. I will write about that later.

While classes are exciting, I know for sure that I will struggle through them like most other MIT students. This sometimes gets very overwhelming, but by the end of term, the results will be rewarding when you see all your effort gets paid off. So let the struggle begin!!

P.S. to answer someone's question about NYC and Boston, I'd say as a tourist there's so much more to do in NYC than there is in Boston. However, as a student, I'd much rather live in Boston than NYC. Boston is a lot more navigable and a lot cheaper than NYC.

The glamorous NYC

2008-01-27T20:03:00.000-05:00

So I haven't blogged in a while. This is mainly due to my laziness more than anything else. IAP has been great but it's quickly coming to an end which makes me really sad because I don't want term to start just yet.

Anyway, so yesterday I went on a day trip to the glamorous New York City with a group of people from ESG. We all met up at the MIT Medical building at around 5:30 AM and took the red line to South Station, and from there we took the China Town bus to the China Town in Manhattan.

When we arrived, all thirteen of us were starving so Mindy (one of my TA's during term and also the person who coordinated the trip in the first place) took us to a Chinese restaurant in China Town for brunch. She ordered so much (soo soo much) food. We all stuffed ourselves and ended up paying a meager 6 dollars each. It was awesome. After brunch, she gave us a little tour of China Town and Little Italy then she let us roam in small groups for about an hour.

Due to some minor personal disturbances I was experiencing with one of the members of the group, I wanted to split quickly during our free time. So one of my very cool acquaintances took me for a walk and some delicious peach green tea at a very cozy little cafe. She met up with our group in Manhattan even though she was working in Queens on an externship. We chatted and had a good time. When it was time to meet up with the main group again, she paid for our tea and we made our way back to the designated landmark.

After China Town, we made our way to Sea Port for a view of the Manhattan Bridge and the sea (obviously, since it was named Sea Port). We were once again allowed time to wander around the mall at Sea Port. This time, I wandered off with Pei-Lin. We fawned over preserved butterflies and cheap jewelry at Claire's and met up with the main group once we were done.

Mindy (who used to live in NYC before going to MIT) knew how the subway system worked even though it looked like a maze to me. There weren't simply the red, green, blue, silver, and orange lines, there were colors, numbers AND letters. So she took us to Time Square using the subway. It was an interesting adventure indeed. Subways in NYC are so shady and sketchy, and there were many "interesting" folks on the train. On our way, there was someone we believed to be a Jehova's witness on the train. He stood up and gave a very strange speech in some strange language no one could understand or pinpoint. It wasn't English (even though someone said they heard words like "god" and "believe"), or Spanish, it didn't sound like anything I've ever heard in my life. So anyway, when we got to Time Square, we made a stop at the 7-story-and-one-block-wide Macy's. Victoria and I wandered for a while and got bored because neither of us liked shopping.

After Macy's, we all made our way to the Toy's 'R' Us with the awesome ferris wheel. At which point, I was suffering of fatigue and hunger due to the fact that I had an hour of sleep the night before and I've only had some tea and brunch and it was already 6:30 PM. Victoria wasn't feeling so well either, she had to take some aspirin while we were there. Though we did find some awesome stuffed animals that were so cuddly and soft =].

Our next destinations were the M&M and the Hershey's stores. Though after the M&M store, may of us were exhausted from the constant walking and no rest, so we decided to call off the Hershey's store and head straight for dinner. Well, not quite, we didn't get back to the intended place for dinner until an hour and a half later because Mindy took a huge detour on the way just so people could see the skyline at night. So we took the train to Brooklyn just to take a van back to Manhattan. When we finally arrived in Little Italy, everyone was pretty much starving. We ordered the famous brick-oven pizzas from Puglia's, a high end Italian restaurant according to Mindy. After eating, we were suppose to have tea and cheesecakes, but everyone was too tired for any more activities because it was already 8:30 PM and we've had a long day because many of us didn't sleep or had very little sleep the night before. So we stopped by a nearby bakery and got some cheesecakes and other goodies to go.

Our day ended as we took the 9:00 bus back to Boston. On the 4-hour long ride, we all fell asleep which made the ride seemed a lot shorter than on the way there. Everyone was relieved to finally see the familiar Prudential building and the shadow of the dome and the Green building as we entered Boston. Because we got back at about 1:00 AM, the T had already stopped running so we had to take a cab back. Pei-lin, Bayo, David, and I took a cab back to East Campus.

I was so grateful to be back in my room after such a long day. It felt great to be able to sit on my bed and just relax. NYC was fun, but nothing beats being in a warm, familiar place.

A Winter Sonata

2008-01-15T08:37:00.001-05:00

While California can offer sunshine and beautiful beaches, Massachusetts offers the amazing New England fall and winter. It's breath-taking to see the golden foliage at sunrise. I also love waking up to a beautiful blanket of snow in the courtyard. In exchange for the bitter cold, I can wrap myself in a blanket with a cup of hot chocolate and a good book while it snows outside. In my opinion, the New England fall and winter settings are very novel and romantic. It is a nice change from having constant sunshine all year. While it is nice to gear up in board shorts and head down to the beach, it's also heart-warming to wrap up in a trench coat, scarfs, gloves, and snow boots and take a walk in the snow. The feeling of snow falling on your face and the joy of seeing the beauty of nature at it's best is an amazing feeling.

***

So I wrote the first part of this blog while I was back home in California for winter break. What triggered the entry in the first place was my desire to be back at MIT. Yes, I actually missed MIT even though it wasn't always puppies and rainbows. After being at MIT for six months, I learned to love the ups and downs and my surrounding. It was something completely different from the life I had back home.
In Boston, I have to walk everywhere, if not walk, then I have to use public transportation as opposed to hopping into my car and drive away with Red Hot Chili Peppers blasting from my speakers. To be honest, I think this is a good thing because it forces me to be active by walking.
Back home, I never went anywhere without calling up a few friends, but here in Boston, I would wake up at 5:00 AM randomly one day and take a walk by myself along the Charles and drop by the nearby Starbucks for a morning latte. For some reason being in so close to a busy city makes me crave solitude. It's not that MIT is a bustling place or anything, but it just so happens that it is closer to what I would categorize as a "city." All the buildings are close together, you can walk anywhere and everywhere (into the city). As you're walking, you actually see other people walking (unlike back home where everyone traveled by some sort of vehicle). This just gives me a different feeling, and it makes me crave solitude sometimes, you know, just being alone and relaxing without having to see people rushing here and there.
Anyway, so for the past couple days, I've been very inactive because I didn't have class. Today (even though I don't have class yet again) I'm planning on grabbing some lunch after this blog and heading off to a physics lecture on superfluids and superconductors. Exciting! =]

I'm back!

2008-01-11T19:33:00.000-05:00

So I'm back! The new and improved Kathy is here. I'm determined to be different this term. I'm finally going to break out of my shell and be something different. Yay!

Anyway, so IAP is here. I'm really excited for my classes because I signed up for a drawing class and a programming course! By the end of this month i should have some C++ basics under my belt and I'm planning on taking a java course sometime in the near future.

I had my first drawing class yesterday and I loved it! It gives me an outlet for my creativity. I feel like I've lost touch with my artsy self ever since I went off to college and now is the time for me to rediscover that part of me.

So ever since I got back here on Monday, I haven't really cleaned my room or unpacked. My room is now what you would compare to a dumpster. There's clothes on the ground everywhere, you'd have to be a hardcore ninja to avoid stuff lying on the ground. I kept on telling myself that I would clean my room and organize all my things, but I've been so lazy. I pushed it off until now, and I'm still pushing it off as of the moment. Instead of cleaning, I'm sitting here writing this blog. I think I really should clean it though. So ta-ta!

Just got started

2007-12-04T08:44:00.000-05:00

So I've decided to move my blog from xanga.com to here. Feel free to click on the link.